Teen-age girls often sex myth victims: expert
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This is a digitised version of an article from The Cayman Compass's print archive. Occasionally, the digitisation process introduces transcription errors, or other problems.
See the article in its original context from July 1981.
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"And research shows that mothers and fathers who do the most protecting often inflict the worst damage," she adds.
"Their teen-age daughters are the ones who rebel and end up more promiscuous than those teens who are given responsibility for policing their own sexualbehavior.
"The '80s will be a decade for even more sexual freedom, but I see a need for people to learn about relationships, too. This is especially important in the adolescent years, where the parents are the role models." Kassorla, a sex therapist in private practice in Los Angeles, also counsels mothers and daughters in methods of solving communications problems.
Her credentials list her as a University of California at Los Angeles graduate with a Ph.D. from the University of London's Institute of Psychiatry. She was recently named one of the 10 most influential women of the 1980s by the University of Southern California Panhellenic Council.
Kassorla has made the rounds of television talk shows and is an occasional "guest therapist" on the ABC daytime serial, "General Hospital." The psychologist, now promoting her new book, "Nice Girls Do" (Stratford Press, $9.95), insisted the negative comments parents make to one another and to their children affect the children's ability to establish happy relationships later on in life.
Kassorla, 49, is the mother of two daughters, ages 23 and 32. As a mother, she said she took her own advice. She gave her children the responsibility of making their own decisions and says she has never been disappointed in their choices.
"I told them from a very young age that whenever they felt ready to become sexually active to come to me and I would help them get on the pill," she said. "I was open about sex, but more important, we talked about the meaning of committing themselves to love and to a relationship with another person. Neither started having relationships until later on."
In her role as author, her candid statements about sexuality are likely to be viewed controversially by some readers.
As a family therapist, Kassorla bluntly advocates frank talk between parents and teen-agers about sex.
More conservatively, she speaks out on behalf of the need for healthier family relationships in modern society. She said that today's teen-agers will have difficult relationships with the opposite sex in the future if they do not see relationships built on loving commitments among family members now. "We are so conditioned by what we learn as children that most people have a great difficulty getting close to others," she said. When it comes to sexual freedom, the psychologist cautions parents not to behave like wardens. Too many parents, she said, alarmed by today's promiscuity, impose negative barriers to sexual enlightenment which children often carry into their adult lives.
And what's even worse, she said, may be that today's prisoners are tomorrow's wardens. And so it goes from generation to generation.
"Children need to see more outward signs of affection between their parents," she said. And parents need to be willing to provide frank, honest answers to their children's questions.
"My premise is simply that mothers who will not talk about sex with their children, and who settle for teaching their daughters that nice girls don't fool around or 'lose control,' hinder the child's sexual development and may provide a start for mental and sexual problems later on," she said. In her book, Kassorla offers many suggestions for parents in the field of sex education. One is to start answering children's questions about sex as early as age 3.
"We need to take away the 'forbidden fruit' reputation sex has gained and examine sex for what sex really is," she said. "We need to teach our children the beauty of a physical relationship with a member of the opposite sex and teach them how to get the most out of the experience."
Although she is divorced (she was married at 16 - too young, she says), Kassorla advocates marriage. "Marriage is the idea! human state. Divorce is a waste of time."
She advocates teaching children about commitment as the alternative to teaching them that "nice girls don't."
"Talking about sex doesn't make children want to run right out and try it," she said. "Statistics seem to show that the reverse is true.
"There are an estimated 12 million teens out there who are sexually active (few have their parents' blessing or knowledge) and most of them have learned all that they know about sex from their peers.
"When a teenager feels sexually ready and when the opportunity comes, he or she will find a way, no matter if that means sneaking around behind your back.
"Some parents actually believe that if they don't bring up the subject of sex in the home, then their children won't think about it. But look at what's on the television and at the movies."
