WHEN THERE ARE TWINS IN THE FAMILY
About the article
This is a digitised version of an article from The Cayman Compass's print archive. Occasionally, the digitisation process introduces transcription errors, or other problems.
See the article in its original context from August 1985.
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What topics in letters from readers bring the most reactions from other parents? I've done an informal survey for several years, and these subjects are among those that head the list: Discipline, sex education, single parenthood, working mothers, giftedness, handicapping conditions, toilet training.
The follow-up letters that readers send in are sometimes creative, often practical and occasionally angry at me or at the original letter writer but they are always welcome.
They may be just plain interesting, as are these regarding twins in the family. A lengthy one on this subject from a perceptive teacher will be shared with you next week. Our twin sons were and still are very close. I dressed them alike until second grade.
Our school officials insisted on separating them after first grade. I was against that. They were doing great with friends and school until the separation. It turned out to be a turning point in their lives, and was not a good experience for them.
Twins have their own personalities, friends and desires. However, I think there is a special closeness between them, born in them, from which we should not try to separate them.
It took much prayer, work and patience in dealing with their adjustments to the separation during the early part of their lives. They needed each other - then especially.
I'm sure all twins differ, but their separation was perhaps the biggest problem we ever have had to face with our sons. My husband and I have four children; the oldest is a 4-year-old girl, then a 3-year-old boy, and identical twins, 2 years old.
We believe the twins should be separated in school; there would be an opportunity for making more friends. We will encourage them to pursue different activities to prevent too much competition. I think it's sad to see twins who cannot adjust to life because they depend on each other too much. I have girlfriends in that situation; one is divorced and the other never married due to the time they spend together. Now they live together and have the same career. As a 33-year-old identical twin, I can relate to the letter from the mother concerned about having her girls separated when starting school.
My sister and I were separated in the third grade by our teacher who refused to have twins in her classroom. We both came home from school crying and fearful.
However, looking back, I believe it was the best thing, very beneficial. How it was handled was not. So I think that more important than being separated is how it is done.
My mother dressed us alike, but there came the day (at a very early age!) when we did not want to wear the same clothing anymore. We each had started to develop our own likes and dislikes, so when we expressed our desire to dress differently, my wise mother let us. Even though my sister and I are identical, and to this day very, very close, we also like being recognized as individuals. Therefore, dressing differently and being in separate classes helped encourage the individuality we both needed and wanted so much. A last comment — I wouldn't change places with any "singleton!"
