Recent weeks have been fun times for UFO enthusiasts. First, it was reported that the UN was going to announce Malaysian astrophysicist Mazlan Othman as official Earth ambassador should intelligent extraterrestrials decide to pay us a visit. That was followed by a Washington D.C. press conference in which Air Force vets recounted tales of alien spaceships buzzing bases and deactivating nuclear missiles in their silos. Then came news that the first “earthlike” planet (rocky and a similar distance from its star) has been discovered. Finally, China reported that a UFO caused an airport to be shutdown for an hour.
This synchronized pileup of unusual space news must have set off conspiracy alarm bells in many heads. Even a hard core sceptic like me wondered what was coming next. It was as if someone was warming us up for a big announcement. Are extraterrestrials on the way? Are they already here? Maybe whomever runs the world (UN, Free Masons, bankers, Lord Xenu, whomever) was testing the waters to see if we would riot in the streets upon learning that we are not alone in the universe. If so, I think we passed with flying colours as most people were too busy watching “Dancing with the Stars” to pay attention to the news, much less panic over it.
Although there still is no compelling evidence to suggest that we will be visited by extraterrestrials any time soon, there is no reason we can’t speculate about how our politicians and public figures might react to such an event. In the US, professional rabble-rousers Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh would accuse the aliens of being intergalactic Muslim-Mexicans who not only entered our solar system illegally but had also used their telepathic powers to rig the 2008 election for Barack Obama, who is, after all, an extraterrestrial too. Sara Palin, upon being told that visitors from space are here, would ask, “Where is space?”
Chances are, contact with intelligent extraterrestrials won’t happen during our lifetime, if ever. But since it could happen, why not be ready? While the job of official Earth greeter might sound like fun, hosting first contact would be a tough gig, especially when half the people in places like the Cayman Islands, United States, and Europe don’t even like human immigrants. For these people, undocumented aliens from another star system are going to be way outside their comfort zone. Ms Othman has since denied that she has been or will be offered such a post. While I’m sure she could have done a fine job, I can think of someone better.
Me.
That’s right; I’m perfect for the job. Visiting extraterrestrials will be confused, frightened, and deeply disturbed by much of what they see here. This is why I would make a great liaison. I too am confused, frightened, and deeply disturbed by much of what I see here! Every morning I walk out my front door I wrestle with the nagging suspicion that I’m a lost alien from another planet. Who better than me to hold a horrified extraterrestrial’s tentacle in a sympathetic clinch as it watches the “The Jersey Shore” or samples our fast food?
As ambassador, I would describe and discuss humankind with our galaxy-hopping guests. Somehow, I’ll explain to them why we allow nine million of our babies to die each year for lack of a $2 vaccine or 50 cents worth of food. I’ll tell them it’s perfectly reasonable for us to have more than 20,000 nuclear warheads, enough to destroy civilization several times over. I’ll also help them to understand that unsustainable environmental destruction is not stupid or evil; it’s just economics. I’ll convince them that there is a very good reason why we spend more than a trillion dollars per year on militaries while a billion of us are homeless and can’t read. I will also explain why tens of millions of women currently live in slavery. Wait, come to think of it, I don’t know good reasons for any of this stuff.
On second thought, maybe I wouldn’t be such a good choice to speak for the Earth.
Guy P. Harrison is the author of “Race and Reality” and “50 Reasons People Give for Believing in a God”. Contact him at [email protected]
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