I don’t need my knees, gray hairs or health insurance premiums to tell me I’m getting old; I just have to watch the Grammys.
The annual awards ceremony that celebrates great achievements in music was held on Sunday, 5 Feb., and by the end of the eleventeen-hour event, I had new wrinkles from a perpetually furrowed brow (another sign of old age).
I barely recognised any of the artists featured on the night… and I’m including Madonna in that list. The more time passes, the more she resembles Wayland Flowers’ puppet Madame (yes, young ones, now it’s your turn to be confused). I’ve always admired Madonna and loved her music, and God knows the woman could probably do 100 push-ups before I’d make it to the floor, but what the heck is she doing to herself?
Of course, Adele, Lizzo and Beyoncé were familiar; maybe I’m only good with the mono-named. I mean, if Cher had been there, or Björk, I would have known.
Okay, slight exaggeration. As best friend Lynne and I watched the show, we did pick up on a few acts we knew; ‘SNL’ and the radio keeps us somewhat up-to-date. But, for the most part, as every list of nominees was read out, we stared at each other blankly.
I love music – I’ve always loved music. When did I become so disconnected from what’s considered popular? Apparently, my cutting-edge wardrobe is behind the times as well, if the red carpet was anything to go by. When I was in my late teens in Cayman, I wore blue lipstick, a huge punk wig, and gothic black from top to toe. Lemme tell ya, when I rocked up at the old Holiday Inn, I was a bit of a trailblazer… or a clown-in-training. Now, I’d be practically Amish in comparison.
The opening number by Bad Bunny was fabulous and man, do I love Lizzo – how could anyone not? Poor Harry Styles, dressed like Christmas tinsel, looked like he needed a week’s sleep, but Jennifer Lopez – two months my senior, fer cryin’ out loud – dazzled as she always does. I limp in Skechers and she glides in six-inch heels.
The awards went on, with a particularly poignant ‘In Memoriam’ segment. I know I sound like my parents, but Kacey Musgraves’ clean, clear performance of ‘Coal Miner’s Daughter’ was beautiful, in that she didn’t go crackers with lots of additional notes. Sometimes simple really can be more impactful than cramming multiple octaves into a tune. Classic example: ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ has been absolutely murdered over the years by some artists who chose to put their own spin on it. The day someone has a ‘fresh new take’ on ‘God Save the King’ is when I’ll go full senior citizen with my opinions.
Grammys host Trevor Noah went on to announce more artists we’d never heard of, but just as Lynne and I were reaching for our phones, ready to update our Spotify accounts, ageless Stevie Wonder and Smokey Robinson took to the stage. We at home weren’t the only ones standing up and appreciating them – the Grammy crowd of all ages gave them some serious love and respect as well. And there was more to come! My big crush, Questlove, had gathered some of the quintessential members of hip-hop royalty to perform, one after the other, in a fantastic display of energy and rhythmic timing. I was transported back to my days dancing at Silver’s Nightclub, Rumheads, and Sharkey’s, when Run-DMC and Salt-N-Pepa were all the rage. There I was, in our living room, wearing pyjamas, ‘jumping’ to rappers from my youth.
I’ll be honest – we don’t usually go out of our way to watch the Grammys each year, simply because we don’t feel we’re terribly au fait with the hitmakers of today (that Taylor Swift girl seems to be doing well for herself). The film awards have always been our jam – particularly the Oscars. Oscar night is our Super Bowl. That being said, I’m really glad we tuned in this time around. I was introduced to some music I’d like to explore a little more, and I’m determined to get my black leather chaps out of mothballs so I can give Madonna a run for her money.
It will be interesting to see what they play at the retirement home when I’m a resident. Seniors in my time like the old country music crooners, Frank Sinatra, Barry Manilow and Barbra Streisand. I can’t wait to play bingo to some hits by Eminem. “Slim Shady – 55!”
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