On a sad note, the family Norwegian cruise we were all enjoying last week has ended.
However, on the plus side, I finally have working WiFi and a phone signal once again. Hallelujah!
Isn’t that ridiculous? Surrounded on all sides by nature’s wondrous beauty – fjords, soaring mountains, impossibly green fields and idyllic, picturesque towns – but moany-moany about not being able to check emails and social media every hour. I tell you, seven days on a cruise ship would probably send any young TikToker into a panic spiral. No posting videos; no sharing selfies with the world… it could end up being a private hell of board games and books.
I don’t believe the ship we were on had the most advanced satellite communication system available on the ocean waves, but then there was also the interference from the mountains throwing a spanner in the works. When we were in the fjords each day, the water was flat calm and we had no internet. Every night when we headed out to the turbulent North Sea in order to make our way to the next fjord on the itinerary, we had internet but couldn’t keep our balance walking the corridors. Talk about the Devil and the deep blue sea…
None of us had been on a Norwegian cruise before, and even though the weather didn’t always cooperate (unbelievably, I overheard a passenger complaining to a purser at the main desk that it was raining, in a tone that implied something should be done about it), you found yourself dreaming about buying a summer home somewhere between the bushes laden with raspberries and the fields dotted with sheep. It was an enchanting part of the world.
We bypassed our first stop of Stavanger (as you no doubt read in my last column), but went to Skjolden the next day (which is pronounced ‘SHOAL-den’, not the ‘Skuh-JOAL-den’ I was proudly yelling everywhere). It had a population of 300, with more berry farms than hotels, and one supermarket. I’d organised a RIB (rigid inflatable boat) tour for all the siblings and their children, bravely giving up a seat as there weren’t enough for me to go. As they all emerged from the check-in tent looking like a cross between astronauts and crab fishermen in their huge padded onesies, I figured I got the better end of the deal.
My sister-in-law Danni and I went in search of something to nibble on after we waved them off at the dock. Our first attempt yielded nothing. The place served no food, and when I said I would just get two teas, they said they could only take cash as their internet was down. Buddy, I know the feeling.
We had no Norwegian krone on us, so we moved on to the only other establishment available. Here, there was food, drink and a working credit card machine. Before we sat down at the table, I asked a server for the WiFi password.
“There is a charge,” the lady said, as I subsequently leaned back to see the long lineup at the cashier’s desk. Curses – foiled again.
After our simple repast, we headed back to greet the returning boat. Apparently, it had been a fabulous time; highly recommended.
Straight after, my sister Gabrielle, my brother Dominic and I took a taxi to see the magnificent Urnes Stave Church about 30 minutes’ drive from the port. Built in the 12th and 13th centuries, it is an extraordinary example of traditional Scandinavian wooden architecture. Google it to take a look – it really was something to behold in person.
We learned on that journey that Norwegians are very courteous drivers, which is good, as nearly the entire length of road we drove was dual-direction but one lane-width with pullover spots at regular intervals. There was a bit of a delay when two tourist camper vans of equal size met engine-to-engine like two roosters in the road, before a passenger got out to direct one driver cautiously into reverse and out of the way so others could pass. My book will be a nod to Enid Blyton: ‘Five On a Drive in Skjolden’.
We all got back to the ship for its departure at 5pm, and the requisite pop out to the North Sea for the nightly test of our sea legs, before arriving in Olden the next day (which, mercifully, is pronounced as you would expect).
At this stop, one of the main attractions was to take the Loen Skylift (a 48-person glassed-in gondola) to the top of Mount Hoven (3,317 feet) and bask in the majestic views at the summit. We all walked into the contraption, and I proceeded to hold on – white-knuckled – to a post in the centre of the floor, while staring intently at my brother’s shirt. My fear of heights has become crippling over the years, but I was determined not to miss this experience.
I am so glad I didn’t. The restaurant up there was fantastic, with glass windows looking out over an array of mountains and blue water. Our cruise ship looked like a toy from that height. Some of our group went for a hike and then joined us for excellent hot chocolate and dessert – it was the perfect excursion. If you visit the fjords and stop in Olden, you must go.
Our final port was Haugesund (I gave up trying to pronounce this after getting dangerously close to ‘Hog-in-the-sun’ territory). With a population of nearly 38,000, this town was a mix of older buildings and newer, modern construction – very different from our previous stops. I had arranged a tour of the Arquebus War History Museum as I thought my dad would be particularly interested in it. We didn’t really know what to expect, but I have to say that it far exceeded anything we had imagined. The exhibition covered the history of the occupation of Norway from 1940-1945, with displays of anti-aircraft guns, torpedo launchers, Russian tanks, German army jeeps, and countless artefacts, uniforms, pictures and information, all laid out in a manner that captured the scenes and stories of the war.
The museum was fascinating, and we were lucky that it was relatively empty when we visited – the big bus tours had already gone through.
We got our taxi back, and were about to move towards the ship, but then could not resist sticking our heads through the picture boards of a Viking and maiden at the port. We all looked like characters from ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ in the photos. Respect.
I’m now in London as I write this, and I have to say I’m loving revisiting the memories of it all. I would absolutely recommend taking a cruise through the Norwegian fjords at some point – it is a spectacular voyage. Just bring your own WiFi hotspot and a seatbelt for your bed at night (passengers may experience some turbulence). You’ll be fine.
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