The good life

I know you don’t have the time for these things, but it pertains, so I did the research work for you.

A week ago in Salt Lake City Utah, the temperature was two degrees and the wind was blowing at a good clip so that when you stepped outside it felt like minus 10 degrees which means that to walk out into that, unsuspecting, was to suddenly hear your brain saying, ‘Oh my God, I’m walking on two popsicles – one flavour.’

That same morning, in Cayman, the temperature was 84 degrees, and whatever breeze was blowing was so gentle that the outside temperature was also 84 degrees, and the closest you were to ice was the soft drink dispenser at Burger King.

In January, in the UK, for one week straight, it was overcast, dark, cold and raining; and when I say rain I’m not talking about Savannah showers – I’m talking about that damp dreary stuff that makes you feel that even your underwear is wet. A lady phoned from there to say, ‘I don’t even feel to go outside. I can’t wait to get back to Cayman.’ (By the way, I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong – this was an English woman.)

This past December, in London, Ontario, four feet of snow fell over two days, and entire communities were marooned. I remember playing music in a hotel in that city once in similar conditions where we were trapped in the hotel for three days – the snow was up to the top of the doorways – and only emergency snowploughs could get in or out.

This past December, in Grand Cayman, it was blue skies, green grass, you were free to travel where you wished, and the closest thing to a plough was the rider mower I was on, cutting the grass in my yard, accompanied only by the black birds looking to scoop up wayward centipedes.

This month in Missouri, the roads were covered with sheets of ice, and light poles were down. I don’t know if you’ve ever driven on sheets of ice, but it feels like the world is one huge banana skin and you’re sliding sideways on it.

Here’s my point: When you’re driving to town today, beefing about the traffic and checking your watch, just be grateful you’re not dealing with the minus 10, and the four-foot snow, and the sheet ice. Okay, we have humid summers, but it’s still a good life in Cayman – you don’t slide sideways on humidity.