Are
you still angry at your parents for something? We all have reasons to be angry
but what is the real purpose of that.
You
are an adult now so just let it go. The anger and resentment that you feel for
your parents is just hurting you, so let go. Once I was so mad with my father
that I let it eat me up inside and one day I had to realise that it was
stopping me from living my best life. Actually I went to this workshop and
chose this session about letting go. I never dreamed that it was about that
sort of thing.
I
just thought I could learn something that would help me help someone. Lo and
behold after getting in there I realised that each participant was the actual
client that we were trying to help. It was an eye opening experience when you
realise that you, this grown person, are still harbouring feelings for this
little kid that is hurting inside of you. Yep that is what it was about;
healing your little person inside of you.
We
all have the little person deep inside and she/he comes out when we are hurt,
angry, sad, etc. Do you notice that you still feel things that even you don’t
understand when you are hurt, angry or sad? How about the way you react to
something and then later regret it? Well it is your little person inside that
is telling you something.
Getting
in tune with that person has a lot to do with going back to where all the stuff
started and of course this usually leads us to our parents. That time in my
life that I was so angry left me feeling like a half of a person. I believe if
I had experienced this epiphany a little earlier I would not have made a lot of
the mistakes that I had made in my life because anger clouds your thoughts and
breeds negativity from your outlook to even your actions. I had to decide at
what point do I give up my anger to then eliminate the excuses about my choices
and get on with living and making better choices.
Sometimes
we are waiting, with stuff on our chests, tormenting the life out of us because
we want to be heard and we want our parents to know how much they have hurt us.
But sometimes you cannot speak with them about that stuff without the crying,
denying, feel bad episode, guilt tripping, cursing and all of those things that
help solve nothing but build a wedge even deeper between you. As a counsellor,
I believe in closure but what I learned is that sometimes you will have to find
closure for yourself and move on. And you know what I have found out in my
years of working with people and experiencing some of this same stuff.
Our
parents have forgotten all of it!
They
really have!
Or
sometimes they have a different explanation for it or a different recollection
of it.
And
sometimes they just don’t want to remember it!
So
I say to you today, just leave it be. Get closure from yourself and if you can
maintain a decent relationship based on them now, as they are, not the young
flawed them but the aging them that love and appreciate you, then you are
blessed. The “them” that is so proud of you and would cook your favourite meal and
bring it for you or will collect your children and care for them all night
while you go off to live your life a little or will sit with you for hours
doing what you like. Forget the young flawed them that made many mistakes while
trying to be young and live their own lives. Forget the young flawed them that
may have messed up your mind with crazy ideologies that you have found to be
wrong!
And
forgive that them that probably did the best they could with the little that
they knew or had. Forgive that them. This “them” needs you to and they need you
too! And for those who just can’t forgive an unthinkable act, then make peace
with that too and stop tormenting yourself.
My
mom loves dominoes and helping crazy people and that helps get her out of
needing me so much so I let her be. That is her thing and I am happy that she
has a thing and that she is happy. She is no longer that young woman who made
all of those mistakes, she is my mama who loves me and would knock you out for
me right now. She is lovely and wonderful and she’s all I’ve got and I won’t
waste another moment thinking about who she should or should not have been. She
is who she is and that is all she can be and she is mine. And my dad is no
longer a 20-something-year-old playboy running after every skirt. He is my
dignified, proper, incredible figure that my children can look up to and he is
what I’ve got.
Time
waits on no one and if you are lucky to still have your parents, then forgive
them and celebrate who they are today and take care of them; whether they did
or did not for you has nothing to do with anything. They had their responsibility
and you have yours and because they may have shirked on theirs does not give
you a right to shirk on yours. They are what you’ve got and deserve to be forgiven.
Love
the them that they are today, flaws and all and forgive the them of yesterday
because to love you is to first love them because like it or not, deep inside
they are you and you are them forever.
And
tell that little child within that it’s OK to love your parents, because you
do; always have and always will.
And
then tell me how your week is going at [email protected]. Check out my website at www.somebodysmama.com
and pick up your copy of my book I’m Somebody’s Mama at your local bookstore.
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