In these times where we are bombarded by definitions of beauty, it seems that we have to be clear on the pressures that we place on ourselves in conjunction with the messages that we are receiving subliminally or otherwise.
I recently watched a show that involved women trying to change some things about themselves. There was one lady who hated her hair colour and one who hated the texture. Another group hated their thighs and breasts respectively.
What struck me most interesting however is that each of these ladies was able to look at the other and compliment the very attribute that the other woman wanted to change. The one with the curly hair has always wanted straight hair and could not understand how the other felt that it was horrendous in the first place. Ditto for the thighs and breast group, of those having a flat chest had always wanted bigger breasts and so on; you get the drift.
On another occasion I had the opportunity to watch a self professed “love guru” in action and her modus operandi was enlightening people on what the opposite sex finds attractive. She explained that they always like happy people; not angry at the world or vindictive or mean; because this is not beautiful at all. She also expressed that the opposite sex is not looking primarily at the physical attributes that one possesses so much as they are the way in which one carries what they actually possess.
Think about this for a moment; have you ever seen that one woman who is, in your opinion, not too much to look at, but yet the men are falling all over themselves to get her attention?
Have you ever wondered to yourself what that was about?
Or what about that guy that has nothing to write home about in the looks department but still there is just something about him, something almost magnetic.
Well try to remember how they walked into that room, how they commanded all the attention and then ultimately had no competition with anyone or anything.
This may be the proof that beauty is all inside and what we are actually made up of. It lives and breathes and may have nothing to do with physical attributes at all. In fact if you know how to work what you’ve got, most people don’t even notice what you don’t actually “got”, kind of almost like MAGIC. You see the end result is that you should feel good about you and let nothing that anyone says change that. Of course you’re constantly aware of what’s inside and you are a work in progress on improving those areas that make you a better human being.
You enter a room and the room has been entered because you are now in it.
The feeling has nothing to do with anyone else, because it is all happening inside of you. You see everyone can have this elusive limelight that they have been seeking all of their life and can stop the “hatin” on those that do have ‘it”, which definitely isn’t beautiful.
Now there is that down side of when you’re feeling that good about yourself, the opposite sex, yet attracted to you can become quite intimidated or else not see you as available since our other counterparts have a different “look” to them that says desperate, available, “pick me, pick me” and therefore you could be passed over; but don’t worry, they’ll be back because you’ve got “it”.
The upside is that we leave the room as happy and secure as we entered, because what we possess still exists even at the end of the evening, because it is inside, and that’s where it counts.
India Arie has a song that says “when I look in the mirror, the only one there is me, every freckle on my face is where it’s supposed to be, and I know my creator ain’t made no mistakes on me”.
We all possess special things that set us aside from the rest of society that dictates what is ideal and beautiful. Allow yourself the wonderful opportunity for growth and acceptance on a subliminal level void of the element of extreme superficiality. So get out there knowing that you are royalty in your own right, because when you were created, there were no mistakes made there!
And tell me how your week is going at [email protected].
Catherine Tyson is the author of I’m Somebody’s Mama and host of the Lighten Up Show With Catherine Tyson on Cayman 27.
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Totally agree that when we realise that what God has made is not a mistake and must be respected because true beauty lies within.
Sadly, yes we live in a world that in many societies from an early age we are ‘socialised’ in our definitions of beauty through direct influence (family, friends) or indirectly (media, magazines, books) and this can distort our body image. In my opinion though, this can be different from personality. SO even people that may ‘enter’ a room and attract attention or believe they have attracted positive attention, this may be based on a natural instinct to notice the most ‘outgoing personality, the extrovert but these people may also suffer greatly from self image issues and even personality disorders.
For example, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is sai to be a condition in which ‘people have an inflated sense of self importance and an extreme preoccupation with themselves’.
Symptoms are said to include:
-excessive sense of self importance
-take advantage of others to achieve their goals
-exaggerate achievements and talents
-preoccupied with fantasies of power, success, beauty, intelligence or ideal love
-have unreasonable expectation of favourable treatment
-need constant attention and admiration
-have obsessive self-interest
-disregard feelings of others and have little ability to feel empathy
-pursue mainly selfish goals
Since I agree with the jest of what you were saying and accept your views, I personally feel that people most certainly need to focus on inward beauty and spend less time comparing, judging and accepting that even the person who walks in the room and sometimes not noticed doesn’t take away from that person’s worth. Many people, especially women spend so much time preoccupied with other women, thinking their ability to ‘upgrade’ their wardrobe, job, partner or boasting about their slim bodies etc all point to preoccupation with self image and in my opinion personality disorders rather than true, genuine self love and respect. At the end of the day the character and beauty of a person is not based on what they can brag about but the authentic respect and relationships in which they don’t have to constantly expect or demand.