Getting past a loss

Life and death are inevitable parts of this journey whether we like it or not but it doesn’t make losing someone any less hard to accept. We always want more time because we are not equipped or prepared to deal with the loss of a loved one.

Many years ago I lost someone very significant to me and my children that turned our world upside down to never to be the same again. Even though we would always wish that we had more time, we eventually had to get back to living.

When we lose someone we are left with a feeling of sadness because loss is hard to bear. It is as if a part of us has disappeared. Throughout our life we have family and friends that help us feel as if we are not alone in the world and when we lose someone that is precious to us, we may realise that there is a certain aloneness that can never be filled. When someone special to us is gone it can be difficult to continue going on and things that were special to you may begin to seem pointless when you don’t have that special person to share it with. All of the things that you did together are reminders of the loss that you have suffered.

We get so clouded by loss and grief that we cannot think straight. But even though it may feel that the mind can’t seem to remember, the heart and soul remembers everything. Grief can have us questioning everything. The mind even forgets the last time that we really saw them. But the soul remembers it all. The soul remembers those nights of never ending talks and the little things that were important. The soul remembers the mole on the neck, the fingers and toes, their freckles and the especially the beautiful sound of their laugh. The soul is the memory keeper and will hold it until we can face all of those memories. The time will come when it is not so painful and although the loss will always exist, it will get better.

It seems that the death angel is visiting us and causing a lot of pain and suffering for the ones left behind so it is crucial that we as a community reach out to one another and provide that support to those that have lost their loved ones. The community has lost special people and there will always be a void where they were. One of those special people is Orna McField who I had known for many years. A lot of people will remember her for her lunches that she prepared daily and her delicious island cuisine prepared with love in her own kitchen located in the Central Scranton area of George Town. Or even at George Town’s Pirate’s Week and Batabano where she would always have a stall. There would never be enough time to have accepted that Ms Orna would not be on this earth and I mourn her along with her loved ones and friends. She worked with me and was a friend of mine that was always in my corner. I want to always cherish the memories that I have of her and take some of the wisdom that she shared with me.

There are special people that the community has lost and to name just a few that come to mind that I fondly remember are Estella Scott-Roberts a wonderful young, vibrant, woman who fought for women and the right to not be abused,;Pastor Al, our very own man of God and a staple to the community; Ms Bessie Ebanks, who everyone will remember as being a smart, strong and kind woman who loved her family and community; Theda Whittaker, a pure, beautiful spirit, who was never without a beautiful smile and kind word and will be missed and remembered always and many. There are any others that I know we can all think of and remember; my grandmother and husband, your mother, father, son, daughter, sister, brother and so on. Others that were family members and community members and their memories will remain alive and the indelible mark that they left will go on forever. Let us all take the time needed to mourn our loss and embrace the people that are still with us. As a community let us reach out to those that are hurting and in need of a friend during this time.

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Catherine Tyson is the author of I’m Somebody’s Mama and host of the Lighten Up Show With Catherine Tyson on Cayman 27.