Guinness gone

I did not make any fuss when the Waitrose pork pies and coleslaw vanished from supermarket shelves last summer (seemingly never to return).

I even kept silent when more and more restaurants and bars started serving American ‘bacon’ and hash browns in lieu of English bacon and good old fashioned chips.

However, something has now happened that is sending shockwaves through the community. I am talking about the national Guinness shortage.

For those of you not in the know, Guinness is the usual choice of sophisticated, discerning drinkers across the island.

Then without warning a week ago bars across the island ran dry.

Nobody seems to have an answer as to why there is a lack of the divine nectar on the island, and whilst many rumours abound involving President Bush, the Illuminati, and even aliens, it would be nice for someone in beverage industry to enlighten us as to why we can put men into space but can not get a few kegs of beer on to the island?

Myself, and many of my friends, are having to now drink Mudslides, Strawberry Daiquiris or even Elderflower Martinis and this is having a terrible effect on our image, waistline and bank balance.

I look forward to a response from the local distributors as to when we can expect this rationing to cease. At the very least it would be nice to have some Guinness on the island before St. Patrick’s Day next month or we will be drowning in a sea of green tears.

Michael Kavanagh

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