Damage control alert

This
piece is written for all the ladies who have been wronged in their life by the
men that they thought would be with them forever.

A
moment of silence is in order to mourn the dream that we had and a jolt of electricity
is necessary to take us to a new level of forgiveness and rational thinking.
This past week I have heard from three male friends who have expressed
essentially the same thing. One is getting a divorce and his wife wants to take
him to the cleaners.

Another
ex-wife wants more than half of his pay check for child and spousal support to
the point that he may have to move out of his apartment and go to live with
friends. And yet another friend has an ex who calls the police on him and
accuses him of child abuse whenever she doesn’t get her way in order for him to
momentarily not have access to their precious children. Now if you are shaking
your head in dismay, disbelief and disappointment, then you feel my pain but if
you’re not however, and think this is acceptable and rational behaviour then I
implore you, to please read on because this one’s for you.

Ladies
have we forgotten that there was a time when we loved this guy and thought he
could do no wrong? I mean, granted we did find out that he could do wrong and
in fact probably wronged us or maybe we just simply found that we no longer
loved him. I have had a long struggle with this issue in my own life and have
even included it in my book I’m Somebody’s Mama and invite you to go read about
my “baby daddy drama” and all the rest of that jazz! Been there, done that, and
got the T-shirts to prove it.

But
did you know that all of this anger and hatred toward the person that we
promised to love, cherish and honour forever is counterproductive to our overall
physical and mental health? Ask a doctor and then ask yourself why you feel so
shabby most of the time.  Yes the wedding
is over, the rice has been thrown and the bliss that you felt is now a thing of
the past but nowhere in those vows was there a “destroy if we don’t make it”
clause.

This
is the father of our children and even though we are gritting your teeth at the
very thought of saying anything good about him, he is probably a great father
and not too bad a human being in this human race. Yes he is no longer ours in
our universe but he still belongs to the rest of the universe and frankly we
don’t need him that broken. We have enough of those all around us or maybe we
haven’t noticed because we have been so busy with our little destruction campaign.
There is such a thing as too much or too drastic and if we follow our gut, we
can admit that we do know that when the gnawing feeling appears, then the
threshold of too much has been reached. And while you are about your campaign,
imagine the unexpected of him no longer on this earth with you and those
children and the reality of that may certainly put things in perspective.
Farfetched? It would only seem.

So
even though life as we planned it is over, life as we knew it is no longer and
life that we are now forced to make is looming above, we need to always keep
our wits, integrity and decency about us. We need to be fair and kind to one another
because we are all on this same journey and trying to make it the best way we
know how. Just because someone no longer wants us or we no longer want them is
just that and only that. In no way should we get from it that the world they
now live in should or will be crippled because being with us did not work.
Being angry and vindictive only hurts us. It may affect the other party but it
is us who lives with the bitterness and misery every single day. And believe it
or not that is the face that we show the world and that is the face that
attracts or detracts others. We deserve to do better and to be better. 

Although
break-ups are hard they are also a wonderful opportunity to create a new
reality and map out our new destiny. And of course it is OK to be mad and
disappointed at the other person but it is not OK to damage them irreparably.
Now if you don’t believe this then be careful when Karma comes around to you!
You know the saying “what goes around, comes around” is really not a myth.
Create good Karma if you want good to come back to you. 

And
always remember to see that person we once loved in our children’s eyes and
never forget that without his contribution, we would not have those precious
treasures and they deserve to have him as much as they have you. Keep the good
times in mind as we move toward forgiveness and acceptance of this new
relationship that we will now have to create. And above all things, let’s just
be fair and kind to one another.  

And
tell me how your week is going at [email protected] You can also catch my
new programme Cayman Let’s Talk on Cayman 27 every Tuesday night at 7PM.

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