Shrek will pay dearly

Ron’s Rant

Coleen Rooney’s marriage will end,
inevitably, in a lucrative divorce relatively soon and she will be able to shop
like a Sex and the City character literally until she drops. Retail therapy is
always the best cure in a relationship crisis for celebs and although finances
have never been a constraint for her, with all the extra millions and a new –
this time handsome – beau on tow, a fresh wardrobe is essential. Hubby Wayne
‘Shrek’ Rooney, was caught with his pants down with a prostitute whilst Coleen
was pregnant and despite throwing truckloads of money to try to make the
problem go away using a High Court ‘super-injunction’ to suppress the media
revealing his indiscretions with a gorgeous 21-year-old prostitute, the news
had already gone viral on the net for months.

Looks wise, they were a mismatch
from the kick off, but his bank account proved to be a compelling aphrodisiac.
No doubt he’ll hook up with another babe but carry on playing away. The cycle
will never cease. Just ask Tiger Woods.

Wayne’s ability to attract
beautiful women has always been a source of amusement. Even the British prime
minister, David Cameron, got in on the act on Tuesday when announcing the score
of the England-Switzerland match which England won 3-1 and Rooney scored.  

Addressing a celebrity audience
that included Rooney’s Manchester United teammate, Ryan Giggs, Cameron demonstrated
his comic timing as he announced: “I can bring you the news that Wayne Rooney
has scored – this time it was on the pitch, in the opposition’s goal and
actually playing for his country.”

Rooney’s first sexual experiences
were with prostitutes old enough to be his granny. At least he’s got the
confidence now to pay hookers of his own age. Maybe he’s finally found the
anecdote to not scoring for England.