Are you a Valentine’s Day hater? Does cupid make you cringe? Does the sight of all those loved up couples gazing into each other’s eyes over fancy dinners just make you want to run and hide? If you answered yes to these questions and spend most Valentine’s Days alone watching any movie that does not celebrate love, fear not. Amongst those towering bouquets of red roses, sickly chocolate boxes, red hearts and fluffy white teddies clutching “I love you hearts” we found a selection of antidotes to 14 February. Perhaps love has left you forlorn, maybe you’re feeling cynical or perhaps you just got dumped. Whatever the reason, read on for some handy tips to see you through the day.
Dirty Rotten Flowers
Think the opposite of a beautiful bouquet and you’ll have an idea of Dirty Rotten Flowers. This online ‘florists’ offers a selection of rotten bouquets to choose from, such as Mortica – a dozen decapitated red roses, hand tied with a pretty red bow. Send to a cheating ex for the perfect revenge. Orders are processed within 24 hours and sent in a fittingly black cardboard box. Visit: dirtyrottenflowers.com.
The 7p Asda card
When it comes to making minimal effort and perhaps showing you’re not so significant other that you really don’t care, this card will do the trick. Asda, a budget chain of UK supermarkets, has launched possibly the cheapest card ever – 7p. That’s about 10 cents. This cut price, recession-beating card, even features the supermarket’s ‘Smart Price’ logo on the cover, just to highlight how cheap you are. Perfect if you want to break up with partner but are not quite sure how. Visit www.asda.com.
The Anti-Valentine’s Day Handbook
The mushy sentiment, the lousy chocolates and the pressure of finding a date makes many people wish 14 February didn’t exist. This pocket-sized companion by J. More will help lovelorn readers laugh their way through the most brutal of holidays. Learn which movies are best for a night alone (Love Stinks). Identify signs that a date isn’t going well (“HELP ME” written in his mashed potatoes). Discover why having a date can be worse than not. Skip the heartache and make this book your V-Day companion!
BitterSweets candy
If you have a sweet tooth but don’t want to satisfy your cravings with traditional heart shaped treats try BitterSweets – Valentine’s Day candy for the rest of us. These pastel coloured candies come with a range of ‘loving’ messages to help remind you why you hate 14 February so much. Tempt your taste buds with ‘Trading You In’, ‘Let’s Fight,’ and ‘We Had Plans’. Visit despair.com/bittersweets.
Anti-Valentine’s activities
- Create an Anti-Valentine’s Day card and send to your ex – or anyone you despise.
- Burn old Valentine’s Day cards and love letters.
- Listen to angry music or anti-love songs.
- If with a group, share bad date stories.
- Hang a picture of your ex or cupid on a dart board, and throw darts at it.
- Watch anti-love movies.
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