My bestie Lynne and I went to Miami last weekend. For starters, I needed some new knickers, and if I could find a couple of dresses that didn’t look like scaffolding when I wore them, so much the better.
Anyone who knows me, knows I love wearing black … all the time. So whenever I don a different colour, everyone is on me like ants on a Snickers bar about it.
“Wow – look at you in colour!” and “You REALLY should wear more pink, it suits you so much better!”
Reading between the lines, they are not fans of the black, so I figured I’d try to go outside my comfort zone on this trip. I’d look for outfits that were more RuPaul and less ‘The Godfather’.
It is insane that packing for a few days away becomes a major, time-consuming hassle. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson by now, but the night before I was trying to decide between clothes and shoes like we were going on a three-week trip to Africa. I didn’t completely finish the process then, but I figured I’d be able to do the rest in the morning.
Fifteen minutes before we had to leave for the airport, I was still grabbing phone chargers and medication while trying to empty my travel handbag of past detritus. Old receipts, lollipops, an unfamiliar plug, notes from an event I’d emceed six months prior … I didn’t dare throw anything out, as when you’re in a panic, that’s when the only key to your Bitcoin nest egg gets lobbed into the trash. Instead, I simply transferred it to another handbag that was smaller, making it a cramming situation.
“You’re an adult, a university graduate … ,” I muttered, as I gathered up random slips of paper that had exploded out of the smaller bag and onto the floor.
It seemed that everything was packed, so we made our way to the car, filling the boot with the usual one suitcase each full of personal belongings, and one empty suitcase each for shopping.
Once at the airport, I dropped Lynne with the porter and chanced long-term parking, which only had spots way at the back where cows might graze at night.
I’d had an email just before we got there to say that our departing flight had a gate change. Love that. Like it’s Chicago’s O’Hare.
Gate change. Move one seat over in the departure lounge. Sorted.
All went smoothly on the flight to Miami, and when we arrived in the bowels of Concourse F, there was one whole moving walkway working – what a bonus! But the greatest gift was that we were given immigration in Concourse E, instead of the half-mile walk to the usual one in Concourse D. We sailed through there; our luggage was on the belt as we got to baggage claim; we grabbed two carts and were out in record time. Just had to get to the rental car centre, and we’d be golden!
Ha! Not so fast.
When we got to the third floor to take the well-worn route to the monorail MIA Mover, there were staff members at all the entrances. The train was down. They were offering buses instead. Looking at the queue ahead, with not even a rollercoaster at the end to make it worthwhile, we nixed the notion and chose to take an Uber instead.
Lemme tell ya, you haven’t lived until you’ve tried to negotiate the curbs outside Arrivals pushing two luggage carts, with cars honking everywhere and no discernible ramps to help move you out of harm’s way. To think what we’d been missing all this time with that boring MIA Mover.
Despite the hassle, the Uber was definitely the right call. We got to the rental car centre to be faced with a zoo of massive buses, and people as far as the eye could see, waiting to board.
We found our rental SUV, looked all around it for any pre-existing dents (don’t you love how you’re supposed to find anything in those dimly lit garages?), took a picture of one small dent that you could barely see compared to the reflection of myself filling the image border-to-border, and drove out towards the city.
The rest of the weekend was nice and relaxing, with the incredible highlight of going to ‘Luminosa’ – a huge lantern installation in Jungle Island. I just happened to be looking for things to do in Miami, and saw that this outdoor exhibition was going to be closing after Saturday night. It had been on since November 2024. We thought it would be nice to do something different, but it exceeded all our expectations. They call them lanterns, but they were so much more – huge creatures fashioned from colourful material and stretched over wire frames with lights inside. Dragons, peacocks, frogs, fish, bears, panthers, elephants, ‘waterfalls’ … it was simply extraordinary. They said to give ourselves two hours to go through it all, and I thought that was probably a bit over the top, but nope. Each pathway led to a new wonder.
I highly recommend you Google it to see some of the images and, as it seems to be an annual event, you must try to catch it if it’s back later this year.
At the end of our long weekend, I was tempted to go with our usual routine of driving to the airport: Drop-kicking Lynne out of the vehicle with all the bags and leaving her to fend for herself and find a porter, while I returned the rental car. However, knowing that the MIA Mover was still down, we decided to return the car to downtown Hertz. It was pretty easy, apart from the fact that returns were on the 5th floor of the building and the lift was broken. We took the stairs down, which were like something out of a ‘Law & Order’ episode – dirty and rickety; an absolute deathtrap. Even though it was a hazardous exit, based on the state of those steps – in retrospect – I don’t think I would have liked to chance the lift.
‘Law & Order: Broken Elevators Unit’.
Lynne was, naturally, devastated that we had to take an Uber to the airport and that I would have to help her with the bags. I wasn’t a massive fan of the change in routine either.
Don’t worry, Lynne – that monorail can’t be out forever. Your time as a luggage Sherpa has not yet come to an end.
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