Isn’t Valentine’s Day is a great time to reflect on love and relationships but wouldn’t it be incredible to celebrate love on more than just one day? Relationships are wonderful and if you find someone that you can relate to then count yourself blessed. But so many couples start off bright eyed and bushy tailed only to lose steam somewhere in the middle.
There are common pitfalls of most relationships good or bad and ones that if avoided could make things a lot easier. Here are just a few common mistakes that are made in relationships that folks should try to avoid.
Money problems: They say it is the root of all evil but it can also make or break a relationship. Not making enough can cause problems and making too much can also be problematic. Sounds crazy but what we do with money and how we spend it, save it or otherwise can be very tricky. Be honest about it first and foremost; be honest about your debts and who you lend or give it to. Couples should not keep things in the dark when it comes to money because eventually when it comes out, everything hits the fan. Be fair and allow each person to have a say with how they spend it and what is done with it.
No more romance: Couples need to keep the fire burning. Set up the date nights and go out together. If money is a problem find the free things to do. Go for a sunset walk on the beach or go to a park and have a picnic. Ladies, spruce up yourself and don’t get too comfortable with the notion that since you have a man, you don’t need to look good anymore. This is a grave mistake because you need to keep his eyes on you so don’t forget to look good, smell good, feel good, etc., etc. He may be yours but he is not blind! And gentlemen the same goes for you; keep it fresh for us ladies. We like you smelling nice and looking nice too. Keep your hair and nails groomed and put that pep in your step. Take us out to nice places and not just for Valentine’s Day; we eat every day, believe it or not.
Crazy fighting: Stop fighting over nothing or everything! It will only drive you mad. So he doesn’t pick up his socks after he takes them off. Ask yourself how long he has been doing this and if your answer is ‘forever’ then chances are he will always do this. And then ask yourself how important this item is to fight about and if he is a great guy with many wonderful qualities that outweigh the bad and then either continue to pick the socks up (with no fuss) or leave them there to see if finally he gets a clue and does it himself. So what is she cooks spaghetti with mushrooms, either keep picking them out (quietly) or stop eating it, maybe she will get a clue that you don’t really like them. I’m just saying that if you weigh everything and you have an awesome person outside all that stuff, then just stop the bickering because Mr. and Ms Perfect are probably somewhere driving someone else crazy too!
Forgetting about your friends and life pre-relationship: Chances are everything is about this person and you have not done something fun with the girls or guys in quite some time. Put this into your schedule because you need to get away and breathe and just be yourself. Remember that person who existed before this relationship; they still exist and need to find time for their friends and family. It can be an exciting time for couples when you share time with friends separately, doing things that are wholesome and honouring the relationship, and then meet up later all hot and bothered and missing one another instead of spending a mundane evening doing the same old thing and getting hot and bothered about nothing or everything and spending the rest of the evening bickering.
Being in a rut sexually: Schedule it in, plan for it, even if you don’t feel like it because it ranks high on the list ladies. We are all busy and exhausted and stressed and you name it, we are it! But the relationship probably didn’t get started without it and it sure will not survive without it. Talk to someone, talk to each other, read books, do what you have to do because the way to man’s heart might be through his stomach but if statistics are correct then the way to staying there surely isn’t!
Leave family out of it: Everyone can talk about their family and the problems but the minute that you start agreeing or chiming in, notice how quiet the room goes. Stay out of family rifts and let your partner deal with their own family and dynamics. This is a slippery slope and one that you will never win no matter how wrong they are or how bad you think they are. Family is off limits and will always get you into trouble if you are on your partner about their family. Try to be supportive of your partner if they need you to be but be very careful of what you say because emotions can turn like the tide and when everyone is all lovey dovey and back in good graces, you will be the outsider looking in and the trust between you and your partner will be compromised. Deal with your own family and their stuff but stay out of that other side’s drama! They were born with it, they are used to it and certainly they will survive.
And I could go on but I think you get the gist of it. Count your blessings, don’t sweat the small stuff and choose your battles but more importantly continue to love and respect one another and stay happy.
And tell me how your week is going at [email protected].
Catherine Tyson is the author of I’m Somebody’s Mama and host of the Lighten Up Show With Catherine Tyson on Cayman 27.
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