This is the time of year when we traditionally make resolutions or decisions regarding our health, finances, relationships and maybe for our future. However, did you know that surveys suggest 88-92 per cent of people fail in their resolution and don’t maintain their change in the long term? So, if we decide to make a positive change for ourselves, and it’s seemingly self-imposed, then why are we so resistant to change?
One reason could be the time of year. There is pressure from the media, society, our friends, our inner self (that internal critical little voice that speaks to us) to give up specific behaviours or adopt new ones, from Midnight on New Year’s Eve. It’s common practice to ask friends, and co-workers, what were your resolutions, what are you giving up, yet the concept of change isn’t that simple. Just because it’s a certain day and tradition dictates it’s time to make a change this may not be the right time for you! If you change because you think you ‘should’, the inner rebel, “if I want to why shouldn’t I” may quickly derail your good intentions. If someone tells you to do something, you’re less likely to succeed than if you decided yourself.
Any change, even a positive change, means having a loss of some kind, and it’s important to acknowledge that giving up something, or adopting a new behaviour will produce a loss in another area. So, in order to maintain the change, it’s important to prepare for the loss. For example, if someone is giving up smoking, although a positive change, cigarettes may have been viewed as an emotional crutch in stressful times, something to mark the passing of a daily event (such as a cigarette after a meal), or something associated with celebration. So, stopping smoking will inevitably produce those times where the person would have smoked, and therefore may be tempted to ‘give into temptation’. A plan to manage those times, knowing what your triggers are and adopting positive coping strategies, especially with a built in reward will increase the chances of success.
A lack of commitment makes it easy to resist change. Although you may decide to lose weight in the New Year, did you actually create your exercise programme or decide which foods to eat? Or, if you resolved to save money this year, did you budget how much you’ll save each month, and set up the account to do so? Often, people set goals without actually taking steps to achieve them. Rather than just deciding, writing down goals and the steps to achieve them will firm your resolve. Or, if you’re more of a visual person, creating a ‘vision board’ filled with motivational phrases and pictures of how you want to be will keep your planned change in sight and in the forefront of your mind.
If you’re easily led by your emotions then, any surge in emotions, positive and negative can interfere with your resolve to change. Emotions can be difficult to handle, and it can be easier to return to the old habit, such as reaching for the cookie jar, having a cigarette or a drink rather than channelling the emotions in a positive way. Thoughts seem to automatically pop into our minds, or an event will trigger an emotion, and before we know it we’re back on the old path. However, the fries, pie, or cigarette didn’t just leap into your mouth, there was a process, and no matter how compelling, recognise you have control. So, before you start your change, spend a few days writing down your ‘trigger’ situations, those times when you get the urge, or are tempted, notice the situation, the feeling and any associated thoughts. This approach helps to anticipate the potential road-blocks in your plan to change.
Lack of motivation makes it easy to resist change, so ask yourself how motivated are you really for change? Poor motivation will inevitably result in failure. So, identify your motivators and be specific. For example losing weight in order to ‘feel better’ is vague, as opposed to “I’m going to lose 10 pounds by April, so I can fit into my favourite outfit for my birthday”, which is much more specific, with a set goal and time-frame.
So, in summary, change is a complicated concept, and careful consideration of all these elements which help you to reach your goal. Seeing a counsellor can be really useful when you take on a change and will help you work out a plan to stop resisting and optimise your success.
Emma Roberts is a counsellor with the Employee Assistance Programme. If you would like to discuss this or any other issue then contact one of our professional counsellors at EAP for a confidential appointment on 949-9559, www.eap.ky
Related Videos
