Where are the horoscopes?

Perhaps it’s a result of being some three weeks after the September equinox, or that it’s a full moon and mercury is in pre-retrograde, but I have an indescribable feeling that something is absent today – which after some thorough paging determined was (gasp!) the horoscope section from the Cayman Compass has been removed!

Without knowing our fortunes, my colleagues and I have been left deserted like the wind through the trees, like the sands of time, the starts in the night., like a sailor without his compass… (Ah – a pun on compass!)

I attempted to take action and foolishly attempted to learn of our horoscopes from the internet as a recourse, but alas – I was very quickly led down a rabbit hole of researching where sargassum seaweed comes from (still don’t know), whether the UK will ever see out Brexit (“ORDER! ORDER!”), and ordering umbrellas and tennis racquets on Amazon (a victim to tailor-made ads). Needless to say, it’s been one proper riot (both Brexit and my research attempts).

Having sat rocking in my chair with distress whilst knowing that in two weeks I should have a new umbrella, I have decided to write a letter (this very one) to bring to your attention this newly developed crevasse which has crept silently into the Friday edition.

Let the record show, I am thoroughly enjoying the new layout of the Compass paper, but alas – please bring back the horoscope section!

I simply MUST be able to learn of my horoscope whilst having my coffee at work. If daily is too much for the stars to handle (I’ll admit, this may be a tall order), could this perhaps be included at least in the Friday edition, to ease the meager minds of my colleagues and myself for the encroaching weekend.

PS I’m an Aries.

Serious Aries-ous (Matthew Cilliers)

Editor’s note: The comics and horoscope will return to the Cayman Compass on Fridays as of 25 Oct.

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