When you have more time to yourself, you might think of trying new things to alleviate the boredom.
For example, you might say to yourself, “Self, if you can’t take a shopping trip to New York, why not try some yoga?”
A few of us had been working out in the swimming pool in the evenings, which was great, but we wanted to mix it up a bit before casting directors for ‘Cocoon III’ started beating down the door, contracts in hand.
Many years and pounds ago, I had given yoga a try. In retrospect, choosing a 75-minute hot yoga class as my introduction to the discipline was probably a mistake.
Surrounded by people on sweat-covered mats who were easily transitioning from Pretzel-20 to Pretzel-12 position while I fought back the odd wave of nausea, I wondered how this had ever become a thing. Each time I thought I could feel the temperature drop a degree or two, the relaxed and positive instructor pumped another mist of hot, moist air into the room. Wasn’t this how they broke the spirit of political prisoners?
I spent the last five minutes of the class dedicated to the pursuit of a third eye I never knew I had. I couldn’t wait to step into the refreshing 90-degree cool of the outdoors.
In fairness, the instructor was terrific and I think I was surprised at my flexibility… or perhaps I was hallucinating the latter. It had been silly of me to run when I couldn’t yet walk.
We agreed that ultra-beginner’s yoga was the way to begin our group session last week. I had no illusions as to my level of limberness. I had dropped a pill on the floor a few nights previous, and it had scampered under my bed. I didn’t even realise I was circling my space a few times like a dog about to lie down, preparing to lower my body onto my knees.
Sitting on the floor isn’t a one-two movement these days. It’s a one-two-three, three-and-half, three-and-three-quarters… kinda process. And don’t ask me to get up quickly either. I bend and crawl, like there’s a fire in the house.
I had heard about ‘Yoga With Adriene’ on YouTube from a friend who practises yoga religiously and couldn’t go to classes in the lockdown period. I figured we’d give her a go.
Not only did it mean we could attempt moves in the privacy of the house, it also meant if we dissolved into fits of laughter, we wouldn’t get disapproving looks from those displaying perfect Sage positioning.
I went through Adriene’s extensive catalogue of workouts, and after nixing anything that required toned hamstrings and something resembling the splits, I settled on ‘Yoga For Flexibility’. Yeah, that sounded about right.
It was only 15 minutes long and mainly involved sitting on the mats. In an effort to stage the room to give it a studio feel, I set up the floor in advance, and broke into our collection of pilfered hotel slippers, placing a pair on each mat. I even dug out an essential oil misting lamp I’d been given as a gift last year, but in my enthusiasm, I added way too much eucalyptus oil to the water. A koala would have passed out. I unplugged it.
Once we were all assembled, it was time to begin. Adriene was there, smiling on the screen, as it dawned on most of us that we could actually fail at sitting. Crossed legs? Surely that was the advanced class.
“Back straight, head over heart, heart over pelvis…,” Adriene crooned, as I wrestled with getting my spine into a straight line. In the end, it had to be a compromise. I could either cross my legs and curve my back or have them further in front of me and sit straight. I couldn’t do both.
What followed was a perpetual gigglefest, as we went from grabbing our feet, ‘gently’ bringing our head to our knees, to lying back and attempting to keep one leg on the mat, while we lifted the other leg and held onto the foot with the hand on the same side. All that was missing was a bikini waxer.
“Enjoy,” whispered Adriene, holding the pose like she could do it all day, as one of us snorted, sending the rest of us off. “Be aware of your breath,” was also a pretty unnecessary request, as the huffing and puffing was audible. I’ve rarely been more aware of it.
By the end of the class, it was abundantly clear that we were all as flexible as a piece of
2 x 4. We were going to have to work at this.
We have since decided to take this class three times a week, and are hoping that over time, our flexibility will improve and we’ll be Downward Dog-ing it before too long.
At the very least, we should be able to sit like pros.
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