I think it was the smell of burning hair that triggered the realisation: we, as adults, never seem to take the sound advice we hand out to children.
Don’t play with fire
I bought a fire pit many months ago, ready for those chilly 50-degree nights we’re always getting around here. Needless to say, it sat barely used, as the mosquitoes commandeered the outdoor deck. I tearfully stored away all the marshmallow skewers, awaiting the day I could light it up once again.
Last week, I thought I had better give it a test drive. Winter was, after all, just around the corner. The mercury could be diving below 80 any day.
I opened the gas-container valve, and then had to crouch and lean (two things I don’t do well) in order to reach the starter button and flame dial. The sound of the pilot sparking was encouraging, but no fire was happening. So, instead of investigating further, I kept pushing and twisting.
Suddenly, like a scene from ‘Firestarter’ (yes, I’m that old), the pit sprang to life, goaded by the surfeit of gas I had been pumping through the pipe.
Long story short, the frizzy bits of hair by my ear got an impromptu styling.
Don’t climb up there
Every year in November, I locate our ladder and ready myself to hang Christmas lights outside the house. The A-frame type we have now isn’t so bad, but the straight ladder at our previous residence was a different story.
The apparatus itself was sturdy, but the ground on which it stood was pretty uneven and I am not a fan of heights. Ignoring all these warning signs, up I would climb with a great knot of icicle lights in one hand and a bag of hooks in the other. It was almost shot-for-shot from ‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation’.
Best friend Lynne would make herself scarce as I swore up and down the width of the house. I’d hang one strand, and as I moved on to tackle the next, a hook would dislodge itself and I’d have to go back. At one point, I was so irritated that I didn’t take real care in where I placed the feet of the ladder. As I reached the roof, I felt my support tipping to the left. It was going over.
With catlike reflexes (I fancy), I grabbed the edge of the roof and shifted my right foot as far to its edge as I could manage. After a millisecond of teetering, the ladder came back to centre. With sweat pouring down my face and shaky legs, I descended as quickly as possible.
That same day, I filled in my application to Cirque du Soleil.
Don’t spend all day on the computer
In this day and age of technology, more books are being replaced by iPads and writing, by typing. It’s a difficult world for parents to negotiate.
On the one hand, they want their children to be active, but on the other, man, it is so easy to get some peace and quiet when you can just hand a young ‘un a smart device.
In my day (cue the granny glasses and patchwork quilt), there was barely any television in Cayman and we had to make our own fun.
In 2020, a 10-inch handheld screen can provide endless hours of entertainment in bright, beautiful colour.
Most parents I know are OK with their children having device time, but they want there to be a happy balance. The nightly “Five more minutes of TV!” is now “Five more minutes of iPad!”
And now we come to the adults. How many of us would be able to handle that kind of demand? Every time I misplace my iPhone (which is more often than I would care to admit), my heartbeat quickens and my palms get sweaty – kinda like I’m standing atop an unstable ladder.
If someone gave me a choice between one of my kidneys and my iPhone, which would I pick? When was the last time we sat through a dinner without checking our device for emails, or messages, or to see if Brad Pitt is still single?
I’ve tried to be better, but now I have an Apple Watch, it is almost physically painful to resist checking every time my wrist buzzes.
In this particular case, it’s hard to set an example without children seeing it’s a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do situation. Yes, we’re grown-ups, but we could probably do with spending less time on our devices as well.
Don’t drink that
I think this one is self-explanatory.
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