In my last ‘Wheaton’s Way’ column – a month ago – I reported on the first few days of a cruise I was taking with my sister, Gabrielle, around the Caribbean.
I’d thought about covering the rest of the holiday in the column this week, but then I wouldn’t be able to post photos. Ergo, I decided to take this route instead. Fascinating blow-by-blow, I know.
A passenger’s life for me
I appreciate that cruising is not everyone’s cup of tea, but I love it. Being able to unpack once and visit a new country at every stop really appeals to my lazy nature. Plus, I have a horrible tendency of taking way too many suitcases on vacation. The fear of not having an outfit for everything from hiking through mud to a black-tie affair keeps me awake at night. When you have to lug bags all over creation, it can get wearying, fast. At least on a ship you only have to worry about them at the beginning and end of your trip.
On 3 Sept., we departed Port Everglades for a seven-night voyage that would take us to four stops: Key West, Bahamas, Grand Turk and Dominican Republic. Sunglasses? Check. Sunblock? Check. Heartburn medication? Check check. We were ready to go.
Key West
I think everyone should visit Key West at least once. Its mix of beautiful old-world architecture and quirky vibes makes it completely unique. There is the Hemingway Home and Audubon House to visit (both of which we saw in our day there), among other places of interest, but there are also countless galleries, shops, and bars to explore. Half of the entertainment is just sitting outside in the evening, watching the characters stroll or cycle by.
I’ve done the drive from Miami, which is worth it for the views, but visiting by ship certainly took the hours on the road out of the equation.
It was stinking hot the day we were there – a theme that continued throughout the rest of the stops. We had originally thought of walking to the Hemingway House, but five minutes of being exposed to unfettered sunshine was enough. As soon as we spied a taxi, we flagged him down and had him do all the work for the rest of our tour.
Something to note: The Hemingway Home is very popular, and there was a steady stream of tourists going through the property when we were there. However, I cannot recommend the Audubon House enough. Maybe it doesn’t market itself as much, but it was a fascinating house with some of those amazing full-sized prints of Audubon’s birds on the walls. All it was missing was one of Hemingway’s six-toed cats. If you go to Key West, make time for both stops, as well as the Key West Museum of Art & History at the Custom House, which has a set of Guy Harvey’s ‘Old Man and the Sea’ prints running up the staircase walls in chronological order.
Bahamas
I could tell you all about Bimini, Bahamas… if we’d actually left the ship. The draw for most passengers on board was the beaches, sea, and other sun-drenched activities. We therefore decided to stay on board and visit the spa for massages. The spa was located next to the onboard gym, and I remember thinking at the time, “I really should be working out each day,” but that guilt immediately left me as soon as the bars opened. One of my favourite places to hang out on the Celebrity ships is the Martini Bar, which has an ice surface you can draw on. The bartenders will also, at some point of the night, gather an insane number of shakers, shove them together, and pour something like 10 martinis at once. This is the kind of entertainment that mesmerises me.
Later that evening, they had a silent disco around the bar. You must try it! You all wear headphones, and there is different music in each of three channels that you can switch between. When we did it, the red channel was Caribbean and Latin music; the green channel was popular songs from yesteryear; and the blue channel was current Billboard hits. When you’re not wearing the headsets, it’s a hilarious sight, all these people gettin’ down in silence, screaming out lyrics at random that they know. We danced for nearly two hours solid. My plantar fasciitis had something to say about it the next day, but it was so much fun, I hobbled around with a smile on my face.
Day at sea
The days at sea are always nice because you don’t feel compelled to do anything but enjoy the ship. In the morning, we had breakfast room service, and Gabs went to get a coffee from Cafe al Bacio. I’m not a coffee drinker, but she and friends on previous cruises have said it’s some of the best coffee they’ve ever had. We went for lunch at Sushi on Five, then headed to the Constellation Lounge for a watercolour class, followed by trivia competitions.
We had booked the Le Petit Chef experience for dinner. I’d heard of it countless times before but had never managed to get a reservation. Finally, this was my chance.
I have to say, it was certainly all I’d hoped for, and more. In a nutshell, each table has high-resolution projectors above it, which send down an entire story – in brilliant colour – onto your plates and tablecloth. Tiny, animated chefs run around, grab ‘ingredients’ and create the dish on your plate, which is then replaced by the real thing.
There are locations all over the world that offer Le Petit Chef and, as you now know, on Celebrity ships. Book if you can – it’s a hoot!
Grand Turk
Sometimes, when I’m on a cruise, I realise how ignorant I am of the world’s geography. For example, I thought Grand Turk was, well… grand, in size. I had absolutely no idea that the island is only about 7 square miles with a population of around 4,500 people. Again, rather than hang out on the beach or go snorkelling, Gabrielle and I decided we wanted to take a look around the interior… which brought us to a little kiosk at the port that rented golf carts. For the price of $90 for the day, we got a petrol-powered cart that had definitely seen better days.
Bill, who ran the business, said that the tank was three-quarters full, and we could just return it with that amount. It was then that we noticed the fuel gauge was broken.
“Ummm… how will we know how much to put in?” we asked, indicating the lifeless needle permanently resting well under Empty.
“Just look in the tank under the seat,” he said, as though we were missing a bit of God-given common sense.
Out we drove, and made our way along the very quiet roads of Grand Turk. It wasn’t long before we were passing herds of donkeys gathered under trees, walking along the lanes, or just watching us, bemused, as we trundled past them, trying to get a grasp of how to operate our bucket of bolts. They were prevalent on the island due to their ancestors working in historical salt industry that ran for years before exports ended in the 1960s. There are still many salt ponds visible from the roads that cover large areas.
Our goal was the lighthouse, built in 1852, which apparently was worth a look. By the time we got there, it was a welcome stop, as Gabs realised she was sitting above the engine which was radiating heat.
There wasn’t anyone else around at the time, so we took a seat at the little bar and had some sodas and patties, before walking around to read the plaques and take in the views.
It was a nice little spot for a rest before we prepared to tackle the roads once again. At least there was barely any traffic – it was reminiscent of driving around Cayman Brac, or even Little Cayman. Clusters of development, but otherwise bush for acres.
We took a detour on our way back to the port so we could explore Front Street, which was home to hotels, dive shops, and the National Museum. By now we had the hang of the golf cart, after a couple of speed bump hiccups and hitting the accelerator instead of the brake on a tight turn (that was a hairy moment). I’d let Gabs drive for a bit so I’d be the one with the warm derriere.
Our last stop before returning our transport to the port was the gas station. A gallon was around US$8 and again, we had no fuel gauge, so we just filled the tank. Better that than to get back and have Bill tell us it was only at five-eighths and we owed him another $20.
He was there to greet us when we drove in, and was happy to see everything was still in as one piece as it had been when we first rented it. Just before we parted ways, he said,
“Cayman Islands, right?”
“Yes,” we replied, wondering where this was going.
“Y’know, my cousin works there – Carla Yee Sing – do you know her?”
“Absolutely! Fitness guru!” I said.
“Tell her Bill said ‘hello’,” he said, grinning.
Love that about the Caribbean. Connections everywhere.
Dominican Republic
We were particularly excited about going to the Dominican Republic, as it wasn’t billiard table-flat like the other places we’d seen on this cruise. Beaches and sea didn’t interest us – it was the idea of ATVing through the jungle that really appealed. I therefore booked us an excursion with Country World Adventures – a family-run business about 45 minutes’ drive from the port.
Speaking of the port – Taino Bay, Puerto Plata – it was really beautifully set out, with thatch huts housing shops that dealt in artwork, clothes, duty-free items, and amber jewellery. DR amber is highly prized, and comes in a range of colours from light gold to deep red.
Yes, the port was very well designed… but it also gave little sense of island reality. I’ve always found it odd when passengers get off the ship, spend the day at a bar and pool in the port, and think they’ve experienced a country.
Gabs and I had to walk quite a distance past all the huts and then through a maze of board fences in order to get out to the main road, where we were meeting our driver. There was barely any shade on that jaunt, and I nearly bought a tie-dye T-shirt in a shop so we could enjoy air-conditioning for a few minutes.
Our driver, Daniel, got us into his bus, and off we went, through the town. The streets were very busy with cars and motorcycles, and even as Daniel tried to enthusiastically tell us about our surroundings, it was hard to give him our full attention as we drank in the sights.
My favourite thing that I found out at this cruise stop was that many of the motorcycles were taxis or ‘motoconchos’, where riders would jump on the back and be taken to their destination. It’s the cheapest form of taxi on the island, and the drivers wear orange vests to distinguish them from others. Maybe when I got back to Cayman I’d pull my motorbike licence out of mothballs and start a new business!
Getting to Country World Adventures involved travelling by street, highway, and muddy trails. When we finally pulled up to the gate, it was obvious that the place was spread over many acres of lush, green land, sort of resembling a ranch. The company offers many excursions, including horse riding, ziplining, experiencing waterfalls, and leading ATV tours. It is run by Daniel (not the driver) and Dieter Klapperich, members of a German family that moved to Dominican Republic many years ago.
Gabs and I met the other couple booked on our tour – a pair of young, gorgeous musicians and influencers. Even when they put on their helmets for the ATVs, they still looked like supermodels. I looked like something out of ‘Mad Max’, as I spread over my seat, slowly narrowing up to the pinnacle of a too-small blue helmet on my big head.
Once we’d all had a quick trial on our vehicles to get a feel for them, we were off. Through the trees, over rocky trails, and up and down nearly untraversable terrain we went. It was fabulous fun. Then we were making our way through small villages, who you’d think would be sick of having these noisy machines roaring past their houses each day. The complete opposite was true. Families came out to greet us and wave, with little children lining up to give us high fives as we passed. I completely regretted not bringing any sweets with me to give out (because there’s nothing better than giving perfectly healthy kids refined sugar). They were all so lovely – smiling from the front porches of small houses surrounded by trees and wildlife. There was no piped water out there. Every dwelling had a large water tank on its roof which would be used for basic household tasks, while bottled water was bought for drinking and brushing teeth. Always interesting, the things we take for granted.
After quite a while on the move, our tour made a stop outside what seemed to be someone’s home, yet the owners were running a fresh juice business out of the ground floor. Our guide explained that this was pretty standard – homeowners using their house as a business premises. Again, these people could not have been nicer. They brought out chairs for us to sit on the front patio and we drank our juice. I plumped for sea grape, which was delicious! Who knew?
By the time we returned to the ranch, not only had we fallen in love with Dominican Republic, but we felt we could turn our newfound ATV skills into a professional career. “And now, on ‘Blaze of Glory’, it’s Vicki Wheaton entering the arena!”
We bade Daniel and his staff goodbye, and Daniel (driver) drove us back to the port. We returned to the ship, thrilled we had made the decision to book the tour we had. Honestly, it is worth going private rather than booking through the cruise line. You need to do your research, but it is a much more personal experience. Plus, the operator gets all the money instead of a percentage.
Landlubbers once more
After the Dominican Republic, we had one more day at sea before returning to port. One more lunch at Sushi on Five; one last evening at the martini bar; and time to pack the cases.
As we were staying overnight in Miami, we weren’t in a rush. We left the cabin as late as possible after the ship docked on the Saturday morning. No lineups anywhere – very civilised. I’d booked a luxury private transport to drive us to our hotel in downtown Miami, and couldn’t wait to enjoy the relaxing journey. Clearly the high life of the cruise had finally caught up with me, however. I fell asleep as soon as we left the port and woke up five minutes before getting to the JW Marriott Marquis. Rats. I could have saved a fortune on the Cadillac Escalade and gone cheap.
Note to self for the future: Do they have motoconchos in Florida?
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