Remember the saying ‘No good deed goes unpunished’? Well, that describes my life in a nutshell.
I don’t mean I’m going around everywhere, showering good deeds on people – it’s more a case of me insisting on being involved in a situation; charging in like a bull in a china shop; and then regretting that I ever stuck my nose in it. You read about people being berated for not stepping up sometimes, like not being prepared to be a whistleblower or similar, but I get it. Obviously not when it’s a crime against humanity, but if someone in the office snuck two doughnuts out of the box instead of the one to which they were entitled, best to just keep walking instead of penning a lengthy email to the boss about ol’ Double-Dippin’ Doris. (Tattle-taling vs. Reporting: Discuss.) Sometimes, the ramifications just aren’t worth it.
Back to the ‘good deed’ thing. I can recall a number of instances when I got myself entangled and it all went pear-shaped.
Let’s start with the lending-of-the-car. I don’t know about you, but there’s been many a time when I’ve handed over the keys to people in a bind. Heck, sometimes they haven’t even asked; I’ve just overheard in conversation that their truck, bicycle or whatever has broken down, and they have no idea how they are going to get to work that week until the water pump/alternator/transmission can be repaired. Keen to solve a problem (or desperate to be helpful), I’ve stepped in and offered my wheels for a few days. Now, that’s all very well and good, unless they get in an accident of some ilk. Or, even better, when I get the car back and there is suddenly a knocking sound; or the A/C blasts Sahara-hot whenever the gearshift is in neutral; or I go to put the window down and it suddenly drops like a broken elevator, exploding into shards of glass in the door. Of course, none of these new issues may have anything to do with the person who borrowed the vehicle, but the first thought any of us has is, “Ugh – why did I lend this out?”
Then, the quandary starts kicking in. Do we tell the friend? Suppose we do, and they shrug their shoulders? Maybe they’ll apologise, but won’t feel any financial responsibility. Or, perhaps they’ll offer to pay, but we feel compelled to refuse, even as we resent being put in the position. It’s an absolute quagmire of uncomfortable scenarios, and we only really have ourselves to blame.
I was actually on the borrowing side of this type of story only a few months ago. Remember when I wrote about my friend Carol who lent me her car when she went away and the driver’s inside door handle broke off soon after? I offered to pay for it, even though it was clearly not my fault. I mean, I don’t have the muscle capacity to break a straw in two, let alone wrench a door handle from its foundation. In fairness, she was terrific about it, and said this had happened before on one of the other doors. I didn’t broach the conversation of how could you put me in such a deathtrap and merrily fly off the island? I simply accepted her graciousness and resolved to get her a car in the future that didn’t include detachable handles as a feature.
Many years ago, I lent my car to someone who managed to reverse into a light pole. It left a big dent in the bumper and the back door. They insisted on getting it repaired, but because they were short on cash, they took it to someone cheap who was apparently merely flirting with the idea of getting into bodywork. The result was a bumper with no dent but a lumpy surface in a different colour, and a door that needed the strength of Hercules to close it properly. I didn’t have the heart to say anything when I got it back. Besides, it wasn’t a Porsche or anything spectacular.
There’s a line from Shakespeare which applies very nicely here: ‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend’. Who knew there were cars around back in his day?
Beyond the above, I’ve put myself in one pickle after the next, rarely emerging unpunished. I had someone who really wasn’t happy in their job and desperate to find new employment. They begged me for help, so I made calls and pulled some favours to get them an interview with a company CEO. They never showed for the appointment and then avoided my calls for days. In the end, they admitted that they had slept in and besides, had decided to just stick where they were. That cost me a nice bottle of scotch and mea culpa card to said CEO.
In another instance (which I’ve written about previously), I nearly gave a thief a lift to West Bay in my sporty convertible (the type of car seems important to mention, as it adds to the ridiculousness of it all). He was walking up our street and said he needed a lift. I had just got home, so I figured, what the heck? He was polite and wasn’t brandishing any weapons. I was this close to telling him to hop in, when he mentioned that he could pay me, at which point I suggested a taxi to save myself the trouble. By the time the mini-van was pulling into the road, so were multiple police cars looking for a man who had just stolen the day’s takings from a local bar. Not by force – I think it was a crime of opportunity – but that didn’t help me when Derek Haines of the RCIPS teased me relentlessly about nearly being an accessory to the getaway.
Despite all of these stories, we should not stop doing good deeds for others. Just carefully pick and choose how you help, and be prepared to accept the consequences. Don’t report someone to the boss who took two doughnuts instead of one, and don’t help criminals get home with their ill-gotten gains. Here endeth the lesson.
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