I never thought you’d catch me saying the words, but what a Super Bowl it was on 11 Feb.!
There are people that watch the game each year for the football, and then there are those who couldn’t care less about the sport – they are all about the commercials. I always fall into the latter category. In fact, I’ve been the fun person at the bars (when I’ve joined the public for the event) asking everyone to be quiet so I can watch the ads in peace. Makes me very popular. Needless to say, I therefore usually stay at home these days.
The plan was the same this year. Having just been in Las Vegas the week prior – watching Super Bowl banners, statues and lights being nailed, erected and hung all over Sin City – I was quite happy to avoid any crowds. So, on the big day, bestie Lynne, token American friend Andy and I settled onto the couch at 6pm to take in the pomp and circumstance of the pre-show entertainment followed by the coin toss. Everything from the music to possibly the very quarter tossed in the air was sponsored by some brand or the other. I can’t imagine the pressure on announcers to remember when to plug everyone, lest Verizon take them to court over three mentions instead of the four that were contracted.
Finally, it was kickoff at 6:30pm and although I’m certainly no expert when it comes to the NFL, I found the first half pretty boring. Each team was trying to gain yards, step-by-painful-step. It was like death by paper cuts.
In the breaks, however, we were eager to see what the beer, car and snack companies had in store. Needless to say, the Christopher Walken ad was one of my favourites. I’ve loved that man ever since ‘The Dead Zone’, and even though he could probably dance circles around me, I’d be willing to give the tango a go with him, ‘Scent of a Woman’-style. Hoo-ah.
The critics seemed divided on Schwarzenegger flexing his muscles as a State Farm rep, but I thought it was a winnaaa, and who couldn’t love the Dunkings spot with Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon? The Couch Potato Farms plug for Pluto TV hit a little too close to home; I got up and walked around the room at least twice to ward off atrophy.
When it came to the half-time show, we weren’t that blown away. I mean, okay – serious props to Usher in those roller skates, and to have all that amazing Las Vegas talent available to perform around him didn’t hurt either, but I somehow found it a bit lacking overall. The highlights for me? H.E.R.’s guitar solo and Alicia Keys playing a stunning, custom-made red piano that I need in my life, even though I can barely manage ‘Chopsticks’. Glen Inanga, what say you?
As the third quarter began, we’d pretty much accepted that this was going to be an overall low-scoring game, and although the 49ers didn’t have a big lead, it looked as though the predictions of them taking the trophy were going to come true. Then, Mahomes’ throw found Marquez Valdes-Scantling, who scored a touchdown, resulting in a 13-10 score as the buzzer ended that quarter (I read what I’m writing here, and I still can’t believe it’s me).
By what was supposed to be the final minutes of the game in the fourth quarter, we were all sitting up a little straighter in our seats. Suddenly, Kia and T-Mobile were taking back seats to the actual action on the field. We all know what happened next – for the second time in history, the Super Bowl was going into overtime with a tie score of 19-19. I felt tired for all the players; it was doubtful that Taylor Swift had any fingernails left; and were agents scrambling to sell overtime slots to advertisers? “I tell you, Merv, this is the deal of a lifetime!!!”
I had visions of tens of staff beavering feverishly away on their computers to find all the records that this situation was breaking, so they could feed them to the announcers who, for some reason, favoured gel-suffocated LEGO hair.
As overtime commenced, we were on the edges of our seats. Like my mother watching ‘Cliffhanger’, I was looking at it all through my fingers. I could not believe how wrapped up I had become in this game. The clock was ticking down, and the 49ers were ahead. Even though every second draws out like a blade in this sport, it seemed impossible that the Chiefs could snatch victory, and yet… Mahomes. Proving he was worth every penny of that multi-million-dollar contract, he threw to Mecole Hardman who ran into the zone, free and clear. There were three seconds left on the clock.
As people ran onto the field, Andy (Wilfred Brimley) Reid proved he had teeth for the first time since the broadcast began, smiling from ear-to-ear. Celebrations abounded among the Chiefs’ ranks, while the dejected 49ers slowly sat down to take it all in.
We pulled ourselves off the floor; I finally closed my gaping maw; and somewhere in the US – maybe Hollywood, maybe New York – Aaron Sorkin started working on another award-winning ‘based-on-a-true-story’ movie script.
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