Blaine the 
pain is at it again

Magician-daredevil David Blaine is ready to shock people.

Blaine is returning to New York City on 5 October for a three-day, three-night stunt called Electrified: One Million Volts Always On. It will be streamed live.

A trailer for the stunt shows the 39-year-old endurance artist wearing a futuristic-looking bodysuit in between two conductors.

Blaine’s last stunt was hanging upside down without a net high over New York’s Central Park for 60 hours in 2008. But the grand finale of the Dive of Death stunt didn’t go according to plan. Because he survived, we assume.

His other stunts include holding his breath underwater for 17 minutes and 4 seconds, being buried alive for a week in a see-through coffin and being encased in a block of ice for 63 hours. What a modern Houdini this man truly isn’t.

Tricky trickster

We must bear in mind the fact that one of our favourite Blaine moments still makes us laugh. When he was doing that stupid fast in a glass box above the Thames in London, some genius flew a model helicopter holding a hamburger up to it and buzzed around for about half an hour. However, notwithstanding this, Weekender would like to challenge the publicity-hungry idiot to something extremely tricky: getting a real job and working for 50 years, before retiring once the world has crumbled your spirit and your body so much that you ain’t no use to nobody anymore.

Furthermore, as soon as you see through this farrago for what it is you’re so institutionalised and cynical that whatever self-respect you once had seems a distant memory of a joke you’re sure someone once told somewhere, or possibly you heard it a movie. Either way, of course, it’s way too late to do anything except try and remember how a smile felt. Try that one, Blaine, see how you get on.

Alternatively the pompous waste of protoplasm could do a disappearing act so good that we never have to hear from the blowhard excuse-ionist ever again. Still, he’s not bad at growing a beard so that’s something at least. And to be fair, he’s a pretty cool close-up magician, when he can be bothered. Which is usually never these days, and more’s the pity.

Comments are closed.