Was Christmas and New Year’s Eve really just in the last two weeks? It seems like a lifetime ago that we were noshing down on turkey and toasting 2022 under a sky filled with fireworks.
Already, a decorated Tannenbaum in my bank’s foyer on Monday seemed a bit incongruous, as I went back to a daily life devoid of clustered public holidays.
I always find it interesting that I spend most of the year looking forward to the festive season, yet rarely do I sit down long enough to properly enjoy it. In a way, the build-up in the months prior is one of the best parts. The Hallmark Channel clearly recognises this, hence its ‘Christmas in July’ collection of chaste movies which has me looking through the window to see if Santa Claus is mapping out his route in advance. That was one of my New Year’s resolutions this time around as well: early preparation.
As I’ve previously reported, my dream scenario is to have the lights up on the house by the end of October and all gift-buying done-and-dusted long before Hurricane Season closes. So far, I’m zero for 10 years.
Any of you who read my column last week might feel I could have been excused for a high level of disorganisation at the end of 2021. Air-conditioning, toilet and electrical issues plagued me for days, with only a poltergeist missing from the household mayhem. Therefore…
Second resolution: Set up service contracts for everything.
I had already got one in place with an A/C company, but other than that, I’d been pretty lazy about upkeep of appliances and such. Much like how I approach my car’s health, I had an “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” attitude. In retrospect, I should have learned a lesson when Appliance Guru came to look at our dryer six months ago, which was no longer generating any heat.
Only a few minutes into his visit, the service technician was showing me a large clump of cat hair from which one could fashion a warm winter coat.
“Ma’am, I think this could be part of the problem,” he said.
Well, I’m assuming he said it, as his whole head was hidden by the aforementioned clump.
There are two things I have found to be true: Vital machinery fails on weekends and around Christmas; and no matter how basic your vehicle, it has a satellite connection to your bank account so it knows when to break down at the most inconvenient time. Ergo, keeping emergency funds for such unexpected expenses is another good resolution.
There is always a classic list of top 10 popular goals every 1 Jan. They include getting healthy, being better with budgets, and spending time with friends and family. COVID has made the latter tough to execute, but for the first time in three years, my whole family managed to be here, in one place, for Christmas dinner on 25 Dec. 2021. It took a fair bit of organising, but it was worth it.
We held it at my house, which meant prep work a few days in advance. (I don’t mean the food – I had someone else cook it; I’m not crazy.) We set out the table, and hung up decorations. We also took down the banner I ordered specially, announcing “Sh***er’s Full” in big red lettering, to appease my mother. She, too, is a huge fan of ‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation’, but that was a bridge too far if it ended up in family photos.
Even though it was just us, I wanted to look nice for the big event, but who has time to get their hair done professionally? Not me, so I home-coloured, as usual. Next resolution: Make time for a hairstylist.
I was looking back on old pics of me in university, and noticed a head covered in lustrous curls, straight out of a Jane Austen film. Now, my noggin is the mule for some rough-looking locks riding atop it, which could use a bucket of moisture and a serious trim. Why is it that so many of us put ourselves last when it comes to life? “I just don’t have time,” has become a familiar mantra.
Hair is one thing, but then the likes of blood pressure, teeth and knees become important. I think I’ve had sciatica for a month or so (never Google-diagnose), but trying to find the time to see a doctor has been difficult.
On the con side, the longer I leave it, the worse it may get. However, in the ‘pro’ column, I won’t indulge my idea of robbing a bank, as I can’t run fast enough to make a clean getaway. And even if I decide to risk it, I’ll be instantly recognisable as the culprit – even wearing a mask – as my hair will give me away.
“Yes, officer – the perp was visibly limping and had a grey patch on the side of her head where she clearly missed a spot when colouring.”
Case closed.
Therefore, another resolution joins the group: No holdups in financial institutions in 2022.
Two other commitments to myself (so I can break them, if necessary), as we start this brave new year, are to prioritise taking more time to spend with friends, and to not purchase anything online after a couple of wines.
I swear, I’m always saying, “We must do dinner sometime,” or “Yes! Let’s get together!” I have every intention of honouring those promises, but like hair appointments, blood pressure tests, or knee X-rays so I can get cleared to commit bank robberies, they are put on the back burner because life gets in the way.
The next time I say those words, I’ll immediately set a date. In the past, when I have managed to follow through with someone, particularly a person not in my everyday circle, I’ve been so happy I did it – without exception. It’s good for the soul.
As far as the happy hour online shopping goes, I know I’m not the only one who has fallen prey to that marvellous idea. I’ve acquired several secondhand items that I certainly didn’t need (heavy, cut-glass tankards the size of coconuts) and purchased a trip to Colorado in ‘Mud Season’ from a charity site, where I ended up with altitude sickness and best friend Lynne and I wandered around an empty resort like a scene from ‘The Shining’.
After personal experience, I would say turn off your WiFi before a night out and don’t allow it to come back on until you’ve gulped down at least a gallon of water.
Money and alcohol do not mix well. I remember great advice from friend and raconteur, Pete Kosa, given to my sister Gabrielle when she accompanied me on her first trip to Vegas.
“When you get to your room, put the majority of your gambling cash as far between the mattress and boxspring as possible. That way, when you’ve had too much to drink and you run out of money, you won’t be able to get to the rest of it.
“Many’s the time I’ve woken up in the morning in Vegas, on my knees, with my arm under the mattress.”
Words to live by in 2022.
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