Letters to the Editor: Flattery has failed, try a little sarcasm

Wednesday, 9 March, being a holiday, I was able to spend some quality time in my yard swing. As usual, my mind went straight to the great amount of rhetoric that floods all means of communication in these, our Islands. In so doing, I also began to reminisce, something that I often do, and all of this lead me to decide to put such thoughts in writing. The decision was further strengthened by the Caymanian Compass editorial of 10 March. Our once peaceful lifestyle has in recent times changed to one of discount, hypocrisy and outright hatred of one another. We are headed down the same road as many other places and as said Rome fell from within. Let us consider what I believe would be what Hitler sought, The Final Solution.

Stop all development at once, regardless of the stage that it has reached as we will be better off without it. Having stopped development, let us ship off all expats as we will not need them anymore. They have only taken from us, the Indigenous Caymanians. We are a hardworking, industrious, loving, kind people whose hospitality is well known. We can take good care and provide for all of our people, be them sick or old. We do not need organisations such as the Pink Ladies, Pines Home or Hospice Care, which are staffed mostly by expats. Having arrived at this stage, let us look at ourselves, the Indigenous Caymanians, the only remaining people.

We must get rid of all the employers and set free all employees, for too long they have been in slavery. We can’t even pass a law with regard to minimum wage and if the employers were not such greedy Pharos, they could easily give all employees six months vacation twice per year on full pay. I believe any employer would fee great relief if we would no longer be subject to unreasonable court fines or long term vacations at Her Majesty’s Northward Prison.

With this accomplished, we would be well on our way to the Island Paradise that was our land up until the early ’60s. There are many of us who remember well. I was born in 1940 and it would seem that many of the younger Caymanians, according to their talk, would like to see this come to pass and it is not fair to cheat them of their Paradise. To completely convert to the old Paradise we will need at once to increase our mosquito population, This we could do by arranging with neighbouring countries that have an abundance of these to sell us a few plane loads. Planes returning empty after taking out the expats could return loaded with mosquitos. Without mosquitos, it would not be the Wonderful Paradise of old. Just think of how delicious green mangoes eaten with salt and black pepper late in the evening was and how in the middle of the night when our intestines rebelled it was necessary to go outside and embrace mosquitos to be able to relieve ourselves. At this time we did not have any indoor plumbing.

All that indoor plumbing has done for us is help destroy our great vast supply of super fresh water and we would again be better off without indoor plumbing.

Just imagine to what good use our industrious farmers could put the water to. According to talk, it would seem that we are not far from being self sufficient. Just think about all the fresh wholesome food, including fresh beef not only at Christmas, but also on New year. Imports would not be needed any longer, therefore we would not require cargo docks and/or finger piers. We have a large number of very skilled ship-rights that are now unemployed. These, I am sure, could very easily cut mahogany, pop nut and other mature trees and build a few small ships about the size of the Jemson and Antarus. Ships of this size could use the Great Sound, like of old, without damage and supply our little needs.

There are other things that we would need to change to complete the Paradise of Old, such as ban all motor transport and revert to the good old Stick Horse, easily obtained from the many shamrock bushes and also use thatch for all our homes. It does seem that we have forgotten that half a loaf is better than no loaf at all, so if we remove the three culprits – Development, Employers and Exports – we can revert to the no loaf theory. I believe that such change would calm the troubled waters and while it is said that we all can’t talk together but that we can all sing together, we would raise our voices in total harmony to the old Mosquito Song:

Sitting alone by the smoke box

Watching mosquitos fly

I’m thinking tonight of you dear

While they sing their songs on high.

Ping, ping, ping I’m coming

Ping, ping, ping I’ll bit.

Brainard D. Watler