Dunderheaded alien report 
shocks nobody, believe us

If we don’t stop sending signals into space, aliens could kill us. But on the other hand, they might take pity on us and help us stop hunger, poverty and disease. That said, it might well be the case that they’d just be a boring load of misfits.

All these stunning outcomes are derived not from a lifetime watching bad B-movies as you’d expect, but from a new report titled Would Contact with Extraterrestrials Benefit or Harm Humanity? A Scenario Analysis, which was undertaken by Pennsylvania State University in conjunction with Shawn Domagal-Goldman of NASA.

Yes, that NASA.

The report concludes that aliens might want to enslave, attack or eat us on purpose or do humans in by strange experiments, user-unfriendly technology or viruses. So we’re advised to keep our outbound transmissions purely mathematical “until we have a better idea of the type of extra-terrestrial intelligence we are dealing with.”

Duur, really?

More not-that-astonishing science comes from a study by Oregon State University, published in the Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior. They took 582 college students, mostly first years, and studied their eating habits.

Guess what? They’re eating fewer than the recommended five-a-day servings of fruit and vegetables. Remarkable isn’t it?

H

mm, interesting…

And in the most popular bit of science of the week, researchers at Laval University hope to prove that chocolate helps protect against ultraviolet rays.

The study will include 60 female participants who have been somehow convinced to eat three squares of chocolate each per day for 12 weeks.

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