Everyone, get out and vote

Well it’s coming up. Yes, the most exciting thing available this spring – besides your government assistance check. Soon it will be time to get your vote on. This used to be the time that fat guys got really popular with each party trying to roll out their plumpest, roundest prospect in the giant sumo match called the election. It made a fat guy like me proud to be a xxx porker. I myself am upset these days the candidates have mostly slimmed down and outside of Heritage Week (saying Pirates Week is so … well, so old Holiday Inn). This used to be the best time ever with lots of fun, way too loud P.A systems and treating everyone, enjoying sandwiches, jerked chicken, 50 dollar bills, jerked pork, jerks in general, rice and beans, refrigerators, swanky, 50 dollar bills, heavy cake, new driveways, 50 dollar bills, and usually some information about the candidates. 

If you’re not sure who to vote for listen to the talk talk talk radio each morning and you can hear in rotation each of the 238 candidates giving their platform. Yes, airtime on talk radio is selling quicker than flashlight batteries and bottled water on September 10, 2004. I think right now the only clear winner is the girl that sells air time for the candidates on Rooster. She can probably buy a new house on Patrick’s Island after she cashes her next commission check. 

But slightly more seriously, it is time to vote. Yes, you should vote and if you’re not one of the thousands and thousands of people from Jamaica, the Philippines, America, Canada, eastern Europe, Australia, South Africa, Africa proper or Cuba, you may be a Caymanian (just check your passport) and be able to vote!  

Although vastly outnumbered and going the way the Blue Iguanas were in the 80s, there are still some Caymanians in Grand Cayman. There are also reportedly a few left on the Brac (currently the breeding population in Little Cayman is too small to count). If you’re from another country here working as most are and not exactly sure what a Caymanian is, you can go to places like the Heritage Kitchen in West Bay or Miss Vivine’s or Tampa and ask, and they will bring one out and show you. 

I myself, out of the goodness of my greasy heart, have tried to start a captive Caymanian breeding program but have received no interest from any women or girls although there have been a few guys call? I am guessing reproduction is on the back burner for most as those with a job are too busy working six days a week to keep them, and the other 95 per cent are out trying to find a job so they can keep. Ramen noodles on the shelf and the lights on. The bedroom air conditioner window unit can only be run at night. 

So this is why it is important to vote while you still have the strength and gas in your car. Worldwide there is a recession. It’s a big world out there but the world here is only 23 miles long and about 4 miles wide. The good people, the friendly and welcoming people, the hard working people called Native Caymanians don’t have a home to go back to when things get tough.  

These people aren’t sending money back home because this is the only home they have. These good people have welcomed us all on to their island, into their homes and lives and it seems like the pie they baked and shared with us is getting sliced so thin there is not enough to go around.  

I think they deserve a lot better than they are getting these days. So if you registered and you can…. Be sure to vote, your vote is your only input and voice as to what really happens in the future. It may seem like a drop in the bucket but drops are important. A lot of drops will eventually fill the bucket and eventually a cistern.  

If you were born here a long time ago you know when your cistern gets full you can use that for everything else and just use the city water for drinking – ha ha.  

You can then use that money you save on water to take the family out to the relaxing and fragrant Botanic Park and forget about the economy and politics for a little while and enjoy this wonderful island . It’s the only place to see the noble, beautiful and endangered Blue iguanas (technically the first Caymanians) and by the way I think all them iguanas got their status now. Yes, there aren’t many Blue Iguanas in the world – only in Cayman only at the Botanic Park. Invasive green iguanas are everywhere – on the golf courses, around the hotels, on the road – and I know for a fact none of those green iguanas have papers or work permits or Cayman status. 

They are all overstayers. Some of them may be married to Blue Iguanas (I will have to check) There are more of them every day. Who knows, maybe one day they will take the jobs away from the native blues and that’s all you’ll see at the Botanic Park too? 


The Big Kahuna is a larger than life local comedian, who sometimes delves into more serious matters. 

Comments are closed.