Saying goodbye to a family member or friend who has died is an emotionally taxing experience during normal times. But that stress has been magnified with the new challenges brought on by crowd-control measures that prevent more than a handful of people attending a funeral during the COVID-19 crisis.
This was the harsh reality the family of 14-year-old Ashley Shillingford had to endure, after the high school junior passed away suddenly from a brain haemorrhage.
The week prior to her passing, government had ordered all schools closed, social-distancing policies were announced, and the country was bracing itself for an impending lockdown.
“She passed away on 22 March and we had the funeral on 15 April,” said Angeline Shillingford, Ashley’s mother. “By then, we were already in full COVID mode.”
Ashley was beloved by students and staff alike of Cayman Academy, the school she had attended for much of her young life. She also was part of a large and extended family in the UK, the Caribbean and the US. And when her parents, who are both employed with the Health Services Authority, announced the funeral arrangements, many of their colleagues expressed interest in attending the service.
Current government protocols dictate that only 10 family members, seven pallbearers, one member of the clergy, and the staff of the funeral home can physically attend funeral and burial services.
“We knew that if we had a regular funeral, it would have been quite sizeable, so to restrict that to 10 people was just mind-blowing,” said Angeline Shillingford.
The family approached Bodden Funeral Home which, with the help of a Seventh-day Adventist video crew, live streamed the funeral service. It was broadcast across several social media platforms and was seen on at least 661 devices at the same time, with each enabling multiple people to watch the proceedings.
“The government requirements have severely impacted the number of people who can attend in a traditional way, and has made us have to retool and rethink and evolve with the times,” said Scott Ruby, general manager of the funeral home.
Since the COVID-19 suppression methods were introduced, Ruby and his team have held several funerals, each of which has been affected by the shelter-in-place measures.
“We had a funeral just recently, and they didn’t want any [live streaming],” said Ruby.
“Actually, they were quite fine with the 10-people service, and we went to the grave and we had 10 people there as well, and when I think of the gentleman who we buried, it was kind of him anyway – very straightforward, very dignified – and a memorial service afterwards.”
Ruby said other people have opted for full-scale streaming of both the funeral service and the burial. He added that while video streaming can sometimes raise logistical issues, it also presents several benefits, one of which is that people can now view the funeral service of a loved one, even if they are on the other side of the world.
“I felt like we were able to say a proper goodbye to Ashley,” her mother said. “We had a beautiful service. We were able to involve so many people who wanted to be involved, using a combination of video tributes and live tributes as well.”
Ruby said since the outbreak of COVID-19, more people have opted for cremation.
“You don’t need a casket for that, you don’t need a burial vault for that – it gives you a luxury of time that you don’t have with a deceased person who needs tending to,” said Ruby. “With a deceased person, you have to bury them sometime, you just don’t have an infinite amount of tomorrows, but with ashes, you do.”
In Ashley’s case, a memorial service is being planned for when the curfews are lifted.
Ruby said no one knows for sure what the ‘new normal’ will be like, and so he is encouraging everyone to show their appreciation to their loved ones before it is too late.
“I hope that in all this, we all learn to prioritise a little bit more,” he said. “Maybe those trips that we can’t make to go see people and be social, we will make later when we can be social again, and remember that your final goodbyes should be happening before someone passes away.”
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