Communication is the biggest, most important factor in any relationship, including but not limited to the communication within our family unit.
It can be challenging for the family members to maintain a harmonious relationship especially if the family lacks healthy communication skills. It is easy to misunderstand and misrepresent each other, which may lead to stressful and unstable family relationships. In order to achieve a successful home and family environment, effective and efficient communication can assist. It can be learned and practiced; just as we would any new skill.
In today’s society, we have many different types of families ranging from the traditional nuclear family of two adults and their children to nontraditional families such as extended families with sisters, aunts and grandparents living in one household, single parent families to blended families. In any family, effective communication may be difficult; however, it can be further complicated by a mixture of extended family members or a new step family member.
In order to achieve better family communication, it is crucial to first understand what effective communication means. Family communication focuses on two main areas. One is the ability to be able to express your thoughts, feelings and needs while the second focuses on the ability to understand the thoughts, feelings and needs of others. It is important for family members to practice both aspects in order to achieve healthy communication.
Every family faces their own challenges, but when these challenges become more frequent and repetitive, it is usually an indicator that family communication may be poor. Many times, family members tend to assume understanding of other members’ thoughts, feelings and needs. Additionally, we also start to believe our family members should know how we are feeling or what we are thinking without having to tell them; therefore, we are less clear with our expressions and expectations than we could be. Although we may intend to be helpful or supportive this can be misunderstood as being critical or intrusive.
Being able to express your feelings is healthy; however, it is important to do so in a positive manner. Negative emotions do not mean they need to be expressed in a negative way. It is completely healthy and positive to make a statement such as “I am feeling angry today.”
Using an “I” word allows you to take responsibility for your feelings rather than blaming it on another person. Encourage each family member to express their emotions in addition to teaching respect, compassion, and empathy. It can assist your family members to better understand themselves, and the effect that our actions have on other people.
Often when families talk to each other, they fail to listen carefully. They are often preoccupied by their own feelings and thoughts. Active listening is a selfless behaviour in which you must put someone else’s needs, feelings, and thoughts ahead of your own. When families are engaged in a conflict, members are often busy formulating a response to what is being said. They assume that they have heard what the other person is saying many times before, so rather than paying attention; they focus on how they can respond to win the argument.
Learning to make a conscious effort to be understood and empathise the content, intent, and feelings of what you are hearing can improve your family’s communication significantly. Ask questions, express empathy, for example “I understand why you might be feeling that way”, and provide feedback on the conversation to demonstrate that you are actively listening. This can assist in avoiding misunderstandings in your family and tends to open people up, to get them to say more.
Having a set time to communicate can be rewarding. It is not an occasion where members are forced to speak but is given an equal opportunity to be heard. It is a time to learn how to express own feelings, thoughts, and needs and to learn to listen and understand others. It is important that each member of the family is respected and not be punished for their efforts. Be sure to limit distractions, like turning the cell phones on silent and keeping the television off, during this family time.
Once you have created time each day when the whole family is together, a good place to start is by having discussions about the family as a whole. It is also a good time to discuss each family member’s responsibilities. Structuring homework time, cooking, cleaning, bill paying, etc., for all the members in the household will allow the family to be more efficient and understanding of each other’s needs.
Healthy communication is best achieved when all parties are willing to learn and practice these skills. By weeding out criticism, making assumptions and disrespect can assist in achieving this goal. Teaching the younger family members to communicate in a healthy manner in the family unit can assist in growth of healthy relationship throughout their development.
Thing Aung is a counsellor with the Employee Assistance Programme of the Cayman Islands. To speak with one of our professional counsellors, please call 949-9559 to schedule a confidential appointment.
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